to desire the replica

posted on: September 26th, 2011

When you read this post, you may have a distinct idea as to whether or not I am a good person. It should also be said that your personal thoughts on this post will give ME a distinct idea as to whether or not I like you.

So I’m hand-rolling rice paper ginger pork and mixed greens rolls (because I’m fucking awesome!) and my husband starts to be even more pathetic than he was an hour earlier. (Not to say my husband is pathetic, in fact he kind of rules and is probably WAY cooler than your husband but he was feeling “poorly”) He was a wee bit doozy and woozy and all of those other words that you associate with something rather Dr. Suess-ish. So, he was going to roll down the street to our dim sum spot to pick up out favorites (prawn & leek cake, prawn & corn dumpling, steamed beef buns, prawn spring rolls & steamed prawn bun)  and it becomes clear to me at some point while rolling those little rice packages of goodness that my husband has the flu. I was hesitant to diagnose his lethargy as the flu any earlier due to the sheer volume of wine that we had consumed the night before. However, it was obvious rather quickly that I was going to have to run down to Happy Good Time Meals and pick up the desired dim sum. Before leaving I asked him if he wanted tea or water, a hot water bottle or fuzzy blanket (read as; awesome sympathetic wife!) He declined and I skipped off to pick up a dinner of delights that would be supplemented with my hand rolled deliciousness. (Again, AWESOME WIFE!)

So throughout the evening he seemed to be getting worse and by the time that I returned with an earth killing amount of styro take out containers, he was in the throws of feeling like utter crap. I dished out and he ate a few cursory bites before going to bed.

I rubbed his neck and shoulders until he fell asleep and then I went and ate all of his dim sum.

posted on: August 10th, 2011

Terrific. It’s center of the fucking sun hot and we get thunder with no rain. Really? I could actually fry an egg on my left boob. Well, if it weren’t for the dogs. The licking just makes it creepy.

posted on: March 5th, 2011

It’s official gang. We are doomed.

I believe that we are too stupid to continue much longer. My proof of this? There is now a reality show centered around people that blow up balloons and make things out of them.

This is a show. About blowing up balloons.

WTF?

posted on: February 19th, 2011

This one is a double shot.

#1

“What’s a Bieber?”

-Ozzy Osbourne

#2 (said to me while smearing off the rather epic up to his neck post banana bread shit that Grayson just had)

“Look Auntie! I have balls!”

-Grayson

posted on: February 3rd, 2011

With all the craziness going on with Fig and Pepper, my birthday last week, Gray’s b-day the week before and the recent absolute insanity at work I have not only been neglecting all of the blogs that I love but I have also been neglecting this poor baby. Poor repliderium. I do love you.

She says while tenderly stroking it’s cheek.

I will be back, I promise.

I just don’t know when.

posted on: January 25th, 2011

I wasn’t planning on pimping out my nice straight food blog on my slightly batshit fucking crazy one but I have to share this. Go buy some of these oils and vinegars gang- they ship anywhere and the blood orange olive oil will is LIFE CHANGING! Seriously. DO IT!

ok- Pimping done. Carry on.

posted on: January 24th, 2011

Said Saturday evening by my THREE YEAR OLD godson baby Gray when asked what “Black” is.

“Black is the absence of colour.”

Fuck do I love that kid.

posted on: January 10th, 2011

I’m watching CNN and puking a little in my mouth right now.

The Congresswoman has been shot! Is the Right to blame? Was he just a radical individual? Wow! The nine year old who died was born on Sept 11, 2001. Does that mean anything?

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The one that gets me most right now is the discussion going on about whether the rhetoric running rampant in politics these days will change because of this. Will politicians get their shit together and start working rather than trying desperately to stab each other in the eye? And most importantly, will we as a society force the politicians and the media to discourage this bullshit in the future? basically- Is there a lesson to be learned by this tragedy?

Yes there is.

Will we learn from it though?

Uh….. History pretty clearly tells us that NO, WE WILL NOT.

We’ve lived through a million such “tragic lessons” and haven’t yet learned a fucking thing.

Don’t believe me? Bet you can hear the name BP without that former blind rage. Bet most people can’t even pick out Rwanda on a fucking map. Darfur? The human rights violations happening daily around the world- our own backyard included? The fact that those living in The Gaza Strip struggle to even own fucking pencils, let alone seed, livestock, or building materials- basically anything in order to help them be self sustainable???? Have we learned?

I’m sorry to be the little black cloud with the disgusted look leaning quietly in the corner, but I am. I wish we would learn from our mistakes but the odds are not in our favor my friends. I give the outrage about a month to burn itself out and by then I’m sure another million dollar athlete will have fucked a hooker and thereby jerking our collective minds in their direction with the force of a bullet to the back of the head.

Our species really is grotesque.