It’s that time of year again TV fans- the networks are pulling out their most cringe worthy programing in hopes of luring in the masses and duct taping them to their couches- eyes fixed forward, Doritos in hand. The old favorites are of course returning; Grey’s Anatomy, Bones, the CSI franchise, the Law & Order franchise, Criminal Minds, etc, etc. (Do you sense a pattern here? We are clearly a society that likes a little blood, guts and crime. We like to see bad things happen to other people.) Each and every time the new fall programing and list of premiers is revealed, I am freshly astounded by how much absolute shit is available and the fervor with which we consume it. Two notables for this year include “90210″ (WTF? Seriously?) and Knight Rider. (Yes, the 80’s Kit embarrassment drama is back for another spin. Though it’s listed as beginning the fall season with re-runs, which considering it’s a new show, I find rather amusing.)
However, the largest percentage of new shows again take the form of Reality TV. Of course we know that there is very little “real” about it, but we can’t seem to get enough. It’s a play on our seemingly endless lust for public humiliation. The premise for the vast majority of these gong shows programs is manipulation, double dealing and cruel intent. Those unable to sink to such a level are cornered by the group and torn to shreds. Before you start feeling too bad for those teary eyed souls that are told that they just don’t cut it- remember that they signed up for this!
Now don’t get me wrong, I have a few reality TV guilty pleasures of my own (Amazing race & RW Road Rules) but there are a few new ones and several returning ones that make me want to throw up a little in my mouth. Here are my top five reasons to want to shoot yourself in the face-I’ve peppered in a few pulled outta wild blue make-believe and am saddened to see that there is little difference between the fake & the real. Can you figure it out?
#1- 3rd time lucky for skanky ho. Yet another shot @ love with Tila Tequila
#2- Fall in love with total stranger in one episode and gush to the world about it. The Bachelor(ette)
#3 Irritating unskilled loud mouth hitting on anything that walks. Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
#4 OMG! You’re still alive? Scott Baio is 65 and still listens to 80’s music.
#5 Slutty spoiled cougars on parade. Real housewives of Orange county/New York/Atlanta
Strap on the stained bathrobe because the new season of crap-in-a-box has begun. Remember the good old days when reality TV meant a documentary?