to desire the replica

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 31st, 2008

A couple of (final) random tidbits for 2008;

Steve and I will ring in the new year at The Blue Grotto as I scored some free tickets after I did a piece on them for the magazine. My outfit is killer and (shocker) I might even wear make-up.

In 2008 Maggi managed to eat the following;

1 box of pancake batter, I bowl of Chocolates, 1 black pen, countless clumps of cat shit from the litter box, 1 partial fridge magnet, 2 of Naysa’s cat toys, several snotty clumps of tissue from the bathroom garbage and a dizzying array of miscellaneous (and often disgusting) items from the back alley, and these are just the things that I’m aware of.

I slept in an igloo.

I got a few more tattoos.

I met a boy.

I didn’t punch one person in the throat.

I didn’t quit smoking.

I picked this shot of the Souter boys as the best pic of 2008

There are a few other things, some personal, some embarrassing, and some ridiculously funny, but at the end of the day, I made it through yet another year (relatively) unscathed. For that, I am thankful.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 31st, 2008

As we stand on the very tip of 2009 many people are filled with the false hope that turning the page of the calendar will suddenly right the world’s wrongs. If enough people toast in the new year with good thoughts, they will materialize. Unfortunately, this is not going to be the case. Hamas are not going to suddenly stroll over to the border and wave over the Israeli’s for some hooch and merry making, Cheney will still be defending torture and millions will still go to bed hungry.

Make your resolutions, drink your drinks and laugh as loud as you can, I certainly will be. Kiss someone at midnight if you can and get home safely. When the sun comes up on January 1st just remember that nothing can change if we don’t all put a little bit of effort towards it. We aren’t alone–there are billions of us out there–and we all need. My mantra for 2009 is; “Do something kind for a stranger.”

Happy new year everyone.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 29th, 2008

I simply cannot stand it any longer. This farce has gone too far, and in this season of “Good will toward men” I must confess my American friends, that we Canadians have been lying to you for quite some time now. Do any of you recall Rick Mercer’s Talking to Americans? Do you specifically recall when some of you truly believed that we Canucks actually all lived in igloos? Do you also remember how we snickered at you after that aired? We rolled our eyes as though we were stupefied that you Americans would be so ridiculous and so blatantly uninformed about your neighbors. Yes, we mocked you heartily.

Well, I am here to break the silence. Should this blog never again be updated, they have taken me out for daring to speak the truth. And you guys thought we were all so sweet and polite and doormat-ish.

It has always been true. We just happen to be terrific liars. I know, you are all confused…… “What about those Canadian home reno shows like Mike Holmes?” you ask. Well, truth be told, they’re all taped in Newark.

I am tired of pretending that we don’t in fact live in igloos. Maggi is actually a beaver and of course I play hockey. And yes, I know your friend Tom.

My dear deceived American friends, should you have any questions about this grand ruse, please feel free to meet me at Tim Horton’s and I will clarify everything for you. If you get lost, ask anyone, we have built in homing devices that lead directly to the closest Timmy’s.

We’re very, very, sorry for lying to you all for so long . As a peace offering, we are sending you Celine Dion.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 28th, 2008

Yes, all is officially once again well with Maggi & her stomach of iron. She has resumed acting the part of starving dog any time that I am even remotely near anything edible. “Oh god! Please mom, pleeeease. I’m fucking staaaaarving!

“Part 2″ would entail the bright red, green, and gold chocolate wrappers. It must be said that my dog has the most festively coloured shit in the entire neighborhood.

She really gets into the season.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 27th, 2008

As I have multiple days off in a row, apparently thanks to god having a kid and all, I decided to change my living room furniture around. I have a small living room and there are really on two ways that I can set it up. I would have more options, but of the 5 electrical outlets in the room, only one works, so yes, I am rather limited. So, I went to living room arrangement B and it felt brand new as it’s been about 6 months since I last saw it. Living room arrangement B has Maggi & Naysa’s big comfy chair about 2 feet closer to where the room goes from carpet to tile (in case you had missed the subtle segue from living to dining.) The table has always been the “dog safe” zone, being that all 25lbs of Maggi has been unsuccessful in her multiple attempts to jump the required 4 & half feet horizontal to the forbidden snack mecca. You see where this is going don’t you? In the 20 minutes that it took me to run to the store, Maggi bounced with ease from footstool to chair to table top and proceeded to chow down half a small bowl of Thai chili chips, half a bowl of mixed nuts (the deluxe ones, no shitty peanut filler, all good stuff) and yes, the chocolates. Ferraro Roche & Lindor truffles to be exact.

There was a frantic call to the vet for the weight/amount consumed ratio and we now cut to present time, glossing over the salt, the vomiting and the panic stricken me calling Steve for the exact chocolate count and here I sit, wine in hand, and snoring dog curled beside me.

I knew all was well when she untucked her tail, wiped off the sad good look and begged for some of the left over turkey with the intensity of a half starved dingo.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 25th, 2008

Merry Christmas everyone.

Merry Christmas everyone.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 24th, 2008

Lunch & dinner & everything in between. This is the way I like to eat…. I’m a grazer. Hell, haven’t even busted out the gyoza or mushroom caps… yummy.

My ass is right now saying “Thanks bitch, pass the cheese.”

Hope you all have a grand one and please do something nice for a stranger.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 23rd, 2008