So I was without power for many hours today. This freaked me out as I had just brought home 6 bazillion dollars worth of Christmas groceries and so I very promptly called BC Hydro. The woman I spoke with on the phone was helpful & informed me that no one else appeared to have an outage and asked if I had re-set the breakers? Of course I had, so I patiently waited for something miraculous. Less than an hour later “Mike” called to ask a few questions seeing as my meter was registering fine on his end………. So fast forward two hours and there is beer in the snowbank and a hydro truck in front of my house. I asked him if he’d like hot tea or coffee considering the fact that he’d be spending a half hour on the pole and it’s eleventeen billion degrees below zero. It took all of an hour after he got here and I clearly now have POWER.

So where is the ASSHOLE in this scenario? It stems from hydro guys comment when he arrived. Noting the trout that was grotesquely warming throughout  the afternoon, the first words out of my mouth were “Holy Hell am I glad to see YOU!” He responded with “Wow, the last place that I went they yelled and screamed at me.

So……. Dear Asshole, Don’t shoot the fucking messenger. Do you really think that the hydro guy snuck into your yard and sabotaged your power line? You are the same jackass that yells at your server because your steak isn’t how you ordered, or bitches at the meter maid person for the ticket that you got even though YOU ARE THE ASSHAT THAT PARKED IN THE LOADING ZONE. This dear asshole is to all you fuckers that yell at people who have done nothing to you and are in fact probably there to rectify a problem.

Let them do their fucking jobs and if it wouldn’t kill you, say thank you. Fucking fucktards!

Clearly I'm a very classy broad.

They can be horrid stogy affairs that you grind your teeth through. Stuck in a room with over perfumed people that you’re already forced to see all day long now all hopped up on spiked eggnog & wanting to hug you and I have been to more than my share of those. However, when you have a small staff that genuinely enjoy each others company and the booze is flowing freely, you have the makings of a rather spectacular hangover. This is me right now, happily hungover shuffling around in a flannel and aspirin haze.

Mmmm.... is it creamy?

The highlight of the evening came from an unexpected source–it’s not Lavern chocking back the enormous shooter that endears this picture to me, it’s the somewhat lecherous waiter standing behind her. At one point during the evening it became glaringly obvious to all (but him) that he really enjoyed his job. I’m talking “I could take out an eye with this thing” enjoyed his job. Being that we were seated and he was standing, putting us at perfect crotch level, his “excitement” was like an uninvited party crasher. I didn’t get a chance to ask Lavern if it was actually poking her in this shot, but the look on his face says that it probably was.

Safety goggles required.

And lastly, by special request, this is a shot of Karen’s cleavage. As a woman that normally doesn’t have a lot hanging out, she was rather proud of the new bra and the resulting shelf of boob. You gotta give it to her, it is an impressive shelf.

For a cranky opinionated bitch, I have been unbelievably fortunate when it comes to dear life long friends. I have my Susin and Yanni and a small handful of others that I am always (surprised by) and grateful for.

2 days ago I received an early gift- a return letter from an old friend that I had lost touch with for a while. I sent the card not thinking that it would find her, but hoping it would. Our history has been filled with yawning gaps where we’ve lost touch, but when we reconnect, it’s as though no time has passed. I met Calinda when I was young- grade 3 I think. (the “I think” is due to the transient random moving around in my childhood, not age!) I spent a lot of time at her house growing up and my mom would often leave me in their care if she had to leave town or we had no groceries. Her mom fed me and as a talented seamstress, she would always make outfits for me when she made something for Cali, which to a poor kid was like winning the lottery or having a guardian angel.

Cali is an artist and I have 2 of her amazing paintings in my house- possessions that I have always cherished. She is also a mother and a kind soul and much to my delight, a wife-to-be. We can also both boast that we know the words to almost every ABBA song out there as we spent countless hours belting out the lyrics in front of her fathers stereo.

I recognized the hand writing as soon as I pulled it out of the mailbox and despite the 7 billion degrees below zero temperatures I had my gloves off and envelope torn open well before I reached the warmth of the front door. A flurry of emails have followed and the grand catch up has begun.

Merry Christmas to me.

Ps- Cali- where the hell is that pic of us as kids with the matching purple skirts & pink tops that your mom made????? I looked EVERYWHERE to post it here!!!!

Oops….. gondolas crashing into houses and bus shelters and swinging precariously over icy rivers. That can’t look good for the ski season that is about to unfold. Wait a minute, isn’t there going to be some big do up at Whistler in not too long from now? Something about athletes and billion dollar venues and trillion dollar debts…..

I’ll bet there are some Vanoc officials pissing into their perfectly pressed Joe Boxers right now.

To my dear friends that have expressed concern that not only do I already have a Christmas tree up (albeit less than 2 feet tall and fake as LA boobs) I have also made mention of other decorations. Yes, I have in fact put up a few festive stuffed snowmen, but as to not ruin my Grinch like reputation, I have put them in prison.

Don’t drop the mistletoe Frosty. fa la la la la la.

Ok- Please keep in mind as you read this that, though trying desperately to quit, I am currently a smoker and yet this still pisses me off royally. The Supreme Court (USA) has voted to allow smokers to sue tobacco companies for deceiving them by labeling cigarette brands “light.”

WTF? Did you think they’d just give you a little cancer? Now that you could potentially get a lot of cancer you want the right to sue? Granted, the ruling means that smokers have the right to sue, but winning their cases will be an arduous battle as they will have to prove that the companies violated the state deceptive practices statute. So yes, I do understand that it isn’t a free pass for smokers but it does mean that the courts will now be clogged with lawsuits by asshats that should know better! I’m sorry folks- this isn’t the 1950’s when next to nothing is known about the health risks of smoking. You knew damn well what the consequences could be when you decided to spark up and now that you see a chance for a quick cash grab, you’re all screaming that they’ve “done you wrong.” It’s fucking ridiculous! Smoking kills- it’s a pretty extensively documented fact! If you honestly thought that smoking a light cigarette was fine then you are simply stupid beyond repair. I guess this means that if someone drinks & drives while drinking light beer, they can sue if the inevitable occurs, right?

It’s called responsibility for your own actions people. TAKE SOME!

So…… How long do you figure it will take one of the non-big three auto makers to make some mention of the fact that they didn’t need to ask for a bailout in their advertising? I figure it will be in the normally slow months of February & March, but that’s just me.