Tomorrow I will drive out to Kelowna to watch baby Gray smear himself (and all surfaces within a 15 ft radius) with birthday cake. It seriously seems like just a couple of months ago that he was the wee squirming poo flavored ball of angry red skin that stole my heart. In some ways I’m sure Susin will disagree with me. For instance, she is not dealing with the pain of a gaping c-section wound and the little man no longer does his best to keep the entire western seaboard awake. Every. Single. Night.

He has a personality, likes and dislikes, habits and rituals and things that make him giggle. It’s weird that he has turned into such a person. And a cool person to boot. As he celebrates his first year and I am about to celebrate my substantially more than first year, I got to thinking about me and baby Gray hanging out a dozen or so years from now. There are so many things I can’t wait to tell him and at the top of the list is something that Susin said to me when he was about 6 weeks old and practicing how to shatter glass with lung power alone. Both sleep and sanity were distant memories for Susin & Stan in those days.

“I love my son and my husband so much but some days I’d like to chuck them both under a bus.”

These are my people. I love them.

Dear Asshole(s)

You are the people who, when confronted with something happening to someone else, are magically able to insert yourself into the situation. Take the Toronto subway shooting for instance. How many clips did you see that contained the whiny wide eyed commuter with perfect hair saying “OH MY GOD! I was supposed to be on that train.” or “OH MY GOD! That could have been me!” You are also the same people that when someone relates a feeling to you (I’m sad or I’m so tired/hungry/whatever today) you immediately interject with “You’re tired? I haven’t slept for days!” or “How do you think I feel?”

Holy fucking Mary people! EVERY COMMENT BY EVERY HUMAN IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! Check your self centered  craptastic self at the door and try to manage a simple acknowledgment rather than “You’re sick? I’ve had the flu since Wednesday!” Seriously! Stop turning every sentence into an opening to talk about how much more worse off you are. It isn’t a fucking competition! It’s fine if it’s a genuine part of the conversation but shooting down someone’s mood/feeling/thoughts to showcase your own is a jackass move. Just so you know, most of us find you irritating as hell.

-K

PS- If you know someone who does this on a regular basis I find the following sentence very effective; “Oh, I guess we’re talking about you now?” It highlights their asshole-ness and has the added bonus of making them very uncomfortable. I find it irresistible.

When I was a little girl there was a time that I wanted to be a firetruck. Not a fireman, I wanted to be the actual truck. I was amazed by the respect they garnered while racing down the street, sirens blazing. Cars swerved to the sides and pedestrians would back up onto the curb even though the crosswalk clearly showed the blinking “walk” sign. As a child, I wanted that power. A few years later, I decided that I desperately wanted to be a detective. I wanted to break the case and be the one to unravel the mystery. While digging in a flower bed I found old bones and was absolutely convinced that they had to be human and that I was on to something really remarkable. Of course they weren’t, but that certainly didn’t stop me from spending months creating elaborate scenarios in which I would nail a high profile official for the heinous murder. As I got older, my desires changed and, much to my horror, included a brief moment in time that I wanted to be one of the members of Bananarama and if I remember correctly, that was during my all consuming crush on Christopher Walken (after seeing Dogs of War.) I understood, even as a child, that most of these were fantasies that would never progress further than my head. Growing up poor had made me sharply aware of reality verses fantasy. This is not to say that it robbed me of all my delusions of grandeur, it just focused the field.

I wanted to be a world famous author, and though I do make a portion of my living through writing and am employed as a writer, I am not world famous. That is focusing the field that in childhood was so vast and contained so few obstacles.

I think heading towards yet another birthday makes me reflective. What goals have I reached? What things am I still striving for? And most important of all, why the fuck am I not a firetruck?

President Barack Obama, January 20, 2009

“Your people will judge you by what you can build, not by what you can destroy.”

Only a few more hours and that murderous, illiterate, fumbling, jackass is out of your big white house on the hill.

Deep breath kids, it smells gooooood, doesn’t it?

It’s slowly overtaking the smell of rot.

On this day, a few years back; January 2002 Oswiecim, Poland.

Auschwitz

From the diary;

“Auschwitz 1 & Birkenau…. Won’t/can’t go into it all as the sites and feelings are burned into my brain for all time. I was almost completely alone at both camps and in the silence and the snow it seems both terrifying and beautiful at the same time if such a thing can be said. It was as if the souls of millions were screaming up from the ground to look at what had been done. It still shocks me; what terrible monsters we mere mortals can be, but also what strength and grace some can call upon in the darkest of moments.

I spent the day walking both camps, tears frozen to my cheeks and found myself ashamed for the things that we humans have done, and continue to do to one another. The brick building filled with piles of unclaimed brushes, suitcases, a mountain of shoes taller and dustier than should ever be, and the cream coloured dress patterned with the bright red cherries, a sweetheart neckline and a flared skirt. It hangs on the wall, filthy and patched with a multitude of miss matched fabrics. Those little red cherries broke my heart. Whatever happened to the young woman who wore it? I wish that I didn’t know.

Birkenau

Both were overwhelming places to be but I am glad that I went.  Auschwitz has experienced a lot of restoration to allow people to see it and I think they have done a remarkable job- the buildings are sound but the small traces of all of those people remain, as do the torture chambers. It is devastating to a level that I am unfamiliar with. Birkenau remains mostly untouched and I am glad that I went in the snow and quiet of January. The feeling of seeing all of those chimneys stretching for as far as you can see….I can’t explain. I can’t imagine seeing these places amid the waves heat and summer tourists.

Auschwitz

At the end of a long track there is a pond. It has a weird surface–not like a normal pond and this is due to the fact the the pond was the dumping ground for some of the ashes from the crematorium. I found myself standing in front of it.

I was standing in front of a pond made from human ash. Jesus fucking Christ. What do you say to that?

I visited Dachau in Munich last summer and there is a large plaque outside saying “Never forget” in several languages. It has always bugged me, that plaque, because these things still happen.

I took a bus back to Krakow and am now in a cafe that was once a wine cellar. It’s beautiful, smokey and quiet and candle lit. My head is full and my heart is heavy.”

Ok- I will admit that I hate chain letters and random forwards or the stupid “friendship bears” on facebook and such. I’m just not a joiner. (Let that be a warning to all to keep me off of the meme list and an apology to all those that I have tagged) However, Dusty tagged me on this meme and I am pulled in by it’s randomness and super freaking impressed by her list!! So, the rules are this;

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Post the rules on your blog.

3. Write six random things about yourself.

4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.

5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

ok- so my random facts are………………………….

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