On our drive home from Portland we were treated to a spectacular view of Mt. St. Helens and I was surprised to remember how long ago it was when that bad boy erupted.  It was May 18th, 1980. 29 freaking years ago though I remember it well. I was living in Kelowna and I was temporarily baffled by what looked like black snow falling from the sky. It got me thinking about other events and what I was doing during some of them. My memory is shit, but for some reason, there are some things that are indelibly stamped on my brain.
March 19th, 2004- Iraq invaded by US forces(again)- I’m working at a ranch with little access to current news. I don’t actually know until 3 days after the fact.
December 6, 1988 Roy Orbison dies- I’m sitting in a hotel room  drinking beer and chatting with the drummer of some band and watching the coverage on TV while my friend fucks the lead singer in the next room. She fucked a lot of lead singers that year.
September 11, 2001-Twin towers downed by terrorists- I’m living in Germany trying to swallow back the panic I feel knowing that I can’t fly back to Canada this very second.
August 31, 1997 Princess Diana Dies- I’m sitting in a pub drinking Corona with a friend. When the waitress mentions it, we think she’s joking.
September 5th, 1997 Mother Teresa Dies- I’m sitting in the same pub again drinking Corona. I am shocked that it’s still Diana all over the news and the death of Mother Teresa seems to go largely unnoticed.
January 12th, 2003- North Korea openly threatens the US with nuclear war - I am sitting in a tiny dive bar in Chile straining to hear CNN over the Spanish dubbing and secretly shitting my pants in fear.
December 8, 1980 John Lennon is killed- I am 10 and sit with my crying mother while she plays the “Imagine” record over and over.
November 8, 2000 Bush Elected for President- I’m drinking wine in my Vancouver apartment and sitting in stunned silence with my roommate.
April 2nd, 1982 Falklands war begins- I watch the coverage at home on TV and my 12 year old self is convinced that we are all about to die in a nuclear war. I distinctly remember wishing our house had a bomb shelter
July 1, 2001 Canada Day- I’m drunk at the Canadian consulate in Paris. I vaguely recall myself and 3 other backpackers asking the band to play O Canada which they didn’t know. We sang anyway, to a patio of dignitaries that looked at us as though we were on crack. It wasn’t really a “backpackers” event but we were lured by the free beer to anyone holding a Canadian passport. Much to my surprise I woke up many hours later on a train to Barcelona.
**After reading this list one might assume that I spend a substantial amount of time in various pubs. One would be correct.**
November 22nd 1963 Kennedy assassination (yes, it was huge even over here in Canada)- My 14 year old mother vividly recalls sitting at her friends house watching the coverage on TV while her friend-for whatever reason- doodled on her back with a pen. She assumed that her back full of smudgy ink marks would go unnoticed by her parents considering the gravity of the day. She was wrong. “Behaviors” such as these eventually got her locked in a convent. No small wonder she ran away with the circus (aka my father) just two years later.

So….. where were you when shit happened?

When I was a little girl we were poor and weird. Double whammy. A disconnected phone or a temporary lack of electricity were small inconveniences that we just shrugged off and moved on from. I thought it was perfectly normal for your parent to take you to strange chanting gurus to whom you would have to bring bizarre offerings such as linen napkins, a pear or incense in lieu of a cash payment. Having a handful of pot seeds crunch and pop between your teeth as a snack or getting your school clothes at the Salvation Army were all common place in my world, and not at all odd or out of place. And yes my friends, a family of four can in fact live on fried egg sandwiches alone for extended periods of time. It is possible, and I am living proof.

Times are tough right now for most and I sympathies with those feeling the crunch of these four horsemen of the apocalypse economic times. I grew up under conditions that most people are just now having to adjust to. Some are fairing better than others- those willing to bend and stretch to meet their new situation- while others are stamping their feet and pulling hissy fits because frivolous shopping can no longer be used as an extra curricular activity and $8 coffees are no longer a realistic way to start each and every day. Contrary to my naturally pessimistic views I chose to look on the bright side because we’re here and lamenting it won’t change a goddamn thing. if you need a nudge in the “bright side” direction, consider this;

It’s the time to downsize the mountains of useless crap you’ve probably accumulated through out the years, a great time to get back to the essentials, and to use your imagination to find pleasure in the simple things. I’m not saying that the nutty soft flavor of a cracking pot seed is necessarily your kind of thing, but the memory of that taste takes me back to a time when things were a little more basic and a little less flashy. We’ve forgotten how to entertain ourselves. For those who have never had to, this is going to be an ass kicking and humiliating transition. For those of us who are familiar with having nothing yet never feeling as though we’re lacking, it’s a reminder of the difference between need and want.

We are home sweet home and let me tell you, nothing says “HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU!” like the welcome you get from a dog & cat that haven’t seen you in three days… On our way through Washington we hit long stretches of near white out conditions, but the drive home was beautiful & sunny- spectacular views of both Mt. Rainier & Mt. St. Helen’s. We also made a stop on the side of the road at a farmers field so that I could get a shot of dozens of bald eagles lounging in a far clump of trees because I enjoy a little trespassing in a foreign country now and then. Some were so big that I swear they boarded pterodactyl size, but alas, a slippery walk through the field and copious amounts of cow shit caked on my shoes produced a little slapstick comedy, but no photos.

List of the random;

*To ensure optimum comfort level in the car Steve travels in a wool sweater & jacket & I in a tank top.

*While driving through Tacoma we spotted a business that provides the following services; Shoe shine & repair, insurance, barber services, alterations, and payday loans. It is located next to a restaurant that boasts “$1 Chinese Food” Steve suggested that we move across the street because really, what more can one person need?

*There appears to be a rather disturbing Beret fad going on in Portland.

*Nothing says Pacific Northwest like customer umbrella sleeves at the front door of most stores.

*Open mic comedy night at Suki’s- I thought it would be horrific but we laughed until it hurt.

*I shared my suitcase with a boy! (I normally don’t share well with others.)

*Powell’s used bookstore is so cavernous that you get a map at the front door. I HEART POWELL’S!

*Seattle market has the best grilled fish on a baguette EVER & the food carts on the street in downtown Portland are some of the best that I’ve encountered.

I shopped till I dropped and then we drank beer at Suki’s until we dropped again.

Most hotels have cheesy restaurants attached to them- some type of generic Denny’s, or the like. Not the travel lodge on SW 4th….. They have Suki’s (where I am currently sitting at the bar enjoying an icy cold beer) It’s the perfect dive bar, and I mean dive bar in the endearing sense, not the sleazy, shitty one. It’s dark, slightly below grown level, unpretentious and charming as fuck. I love it.

I spent the entire day walking the streets of Portland while Steve was at his computer thing, and I am now relaxing on the bar stool that I intend to occupy for the remainder of the evening. Eva is pouring the bevys & as she has taken a road trip through the US that was very similar to mine,  we are comparing notes and I am enjoying myself immensely.

Photos to follow, but let me leave you with one little note from the road……

Yellow sour jube jube are Lysol flavored. I swear to fucking Dog.

So I have just returned home from my unexpected little pre-trip adventure. It appears that Bill rolled his truck somewhere up in the boonies and after a few frantic text messages from a girl he’s kinda sorta dating, it turns out that the tow truck driver has left him at the dealership with a possible concussion. I go pick him up and get half way across town to receive this text from Lisa;

“BTW, he’s got a dead goat in the back of his truck”

So……. the night’s stats look like this;

The truck has been severely maimed, Bill is fine, and we left the goat there.

Only a few more days until we are off on a wee road trip…. Monday morning Steve & I will drive to Seattle and spend the afternoon strolling through the market, eating too much, buying weird crafts, etc and then we shall continue on until Portland to our hotel. The next morning Steve has an all day business related SEO conference which I like to refer to as blahblahblah. I shall spend Tuesday wandering the streets of Portland shop shop shopping, or in consideration of my bank balance, it will more accurately be look look looking…. but whatever, I’m looking forward to it. Apparently Portland has the largest independently owned bookstore in the West, or the entire US or something, but to a geek like me, GIANT NON-CHAIN BOOKSTORE is like Disneyland without the lineups! We will drive back to the motherland on Wednesday and pick up Maggi the wunderdog who will have spent the last 3 days at her daycare (or as she calls it, jail.) Naysa the wundercat will be home alone (or as she likes to call it, Thank fucking god they’re gone!)

I am desperately looking forward to the break and the drive and of course, the hotel sex.

As you may remember, Steve & I built an igloo a while back and of course, I had to sleep in it one night because I’m that kind of stupid. As the weather warmed then cooled then warmed then cooled, half of the igloo collapsed. It was clear that there was plenty of room left in the back, but the only way in was a fist sized hole left where the entrance had been. Each and every time we were in the backyard, I would mentioned how much I wished a family of animals would use it as a den. It was safe, protected from the wind, and with some leaves on the ground, could provide quite a cozy little home. I went on about this a lot. Eventually my imagination took a left turn into crazy town and I decided that rather than wanting the vague “family of animals” living there I wanted it to be a tribe of miniature yeti. I described to Steve (countless times) their little fire pits dotting the inside of the igloo and how the center would be the communal meeting area. They would hunt miniature antelope and roast them on their tiny fires. In my mind I could see it just as clearly as I could see Steve rolling his eyes at me.

So the other day we’re in the backyard and he yells “LOOK!” while pointing to the igloo. I go over and low & behold, there are tiny tracks leading inside. I of course start jumping around and clapping with glee while imagining the wee tribe of yeti roasting wild beast. Until that is, I look over at Steve who is struggling to keep from laughing. Yes, he did indeed put the tracks there with a twig just to amuse me…. Some woman need diamonds and furs and to be wined and dined. Me? I go for the simple stuff;

Fresh miniature yeti tracks in my backyard.