to desire the replica

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 30th, 2009

Things to avoid saying/doing if you are sitting in the administrators office while applying for a program in a post secondary institution;

“I don’t really do rules.”

“So if I’d have to put up with the rules, you guys would have to put up with my attitude, right?”

Using my business card as a toothpick during interview.

“Can you deny me entrance or do you have to let me in?”

*removes small tupperware container from pocket with something red in it* “Here! Smell this.”

I have a one way mirror in my office (because I like to spy on people) and there were several staff member faces pressed against it while Mr. McTwitchy crackalicious was in with me. I think they feared a knifing or some such similar carnage. I would finish this post with some witty wrap up but I am far too busy checking that my “application denied” stamp has sufficient ink.

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 29th, 2009

While the deadly flu itself isn’t amusing, I find the controversy surrounding it to be. Of all the things we could be concerning ourselves with, the name is getting some rather surprising priority. Swine flu, which has killed well over 150 people in Mexico, 23 month old toddler in the US and is popping up globally, was originally called the H1N1 Virus which I guess wasn’t quite flashy enough for the media. Israel finds offense to the name because Judaism and Islam both consider pigs to be “tainted” (which makes me wonder why they aren’t then celebrating the negative reference) and pork processing nations are offended because despite no evidence of transfer by eating or handling pork, their industry is now suffering a massive decline. Is anyone so misinformed that they believe a juicy pulled pork sandwich will get them sick? When Paris Hilton was asked if she was worried as it was killing so many people in Mexico her reply was “No. I don’t eat that.” So, uhm, yeah, I guess the decline can be contributed in part to vapid  peroxide blonds????

Some are requesting it go by Mexican Flu or North American Flu. Why not take the blame game one step further? Let’s hunt down the first person who died from it and name it after them, because clearly this current pandemic is their fault. The Adela Virus? Nice ring huh?

Besides the ridiculousness of this name controversy, I personally keep going back to one thought. With all of our technology, with all of our super convenient, top of the line lifestyles, can you imagine if it’s a flu that shakes the shit out of us and culls the herd? I think AIDS should have, but because it was labeled a gay disease right out of the gate, too many people still have the “doesn’t apply to me” attitude. If we change it to Mexican flu will the same thing happen? There will be small colonies of people living scattered around the globe, struggling to survive in this new dark age with nothing but their own skills and they’ll be sitting around a camp fire muttering “Fucking Mexicans. Thank god I’m not one.”

Even in the face of a WHO level 4 pandemic, we’re still busy making sure we know who to blame. Makes one think that we just might deserve this.

**Update- Looks like we’re level 5 now gang!

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 27th, 2009

Everyone has a junk drawer. I’m ridiculous/organized/anal/OCD and even I have one. Sometimes the contents are like little presents that I’d forgotten to give myself like the red dragon iron on patch that I found last week or the sparkly barrette that I had assumed the dog ate. Sometimes the contents are suckery (not to be confused with fuckery) like the overdue mastercard bill or expired coupon. My brain also has it’s own little junk drawer, or more aptly, pocket of misc thoughts enclosed in the slippery jello like membrane in my skull. Yeah, junk drawer just sounds better, especially for anyone who happens to be eating a bowl full of red jello right now. I think my recent homicidal tendencies have something to do with the junk drawer being full. No more room for the endless stream of crap that floats around my brain. I cannot write a decent post and I haven’t even touched any of my other writing so it’s time for a purge…. I will apologize in advance for boring some of you into a coma.

I HATE when people say seen vs. saw and the word samwhich makes me violent.

My middle name comes from the back of a Beatles album and my brother once took a chunk of hash off of my parents dresser to bring for grade 2 show & tell. I shouldn’t be, but I am absurdly proud of these facts.

In grade 7 I held the record for most black eyes in a school year. (36)

I am a list maker. I have made a list of the lists that I need to make.

I’m getting my wisdom teeth out in June and I am scared of the general anesthetic. Would it be too dramatic to write long goodbye letters to those I love just in case?

I am ok with blood and guts and have seen my fair share up close. Snot makes me nauseous though.

As a young teen I once ran down the street throwing knives at my brother and his friend Dave. I was aiming for real.

Through out my life I have made an inordinately large number of people cry.

I know that I could kill someone if I had to. No question.

I worry that I will never quit smoking.

I am wearing black heels, a black pencil skirt and a low cut fitted white dress shirt right now and I feel like one of the secretaries off of mad men.

I have a bf that I still get butterflies about after a year which astounds me. The fact that he puts up with my antics is even more incredible.

I can keep a secret forever. And a grudge.

The end.

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 25th, 2009
posted by: Kim
posted on: April 24th, 2009

This could almost be a dear asshole post except that it’s directed to multiple people rather than one specific instance. Considering my last two posts and my generally shitty attitude right now, it should come as no surprise really.

I am having a most frustrating week because I am burned out and that teeny tiny almost immeasurable bit of patience that I possess has said fuck you and exited stage left. I want to kick shit and break things. I want to strangle people.

I hate lazy. I hate people who play the victim to try and get their way. It sickens me and makes me want to leave a hot red hand print right across your face that is screwed up in fake pain. I hate people who make endless excuses and people that don’t pull their weight. I hate whiners.

I want to put my fist through something hard and sharp, just to hear it break.

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 23rd, 2009

I’m definitely excelling in the role of Cranky Mcburnoutbitchtyface. I’m tired, I’m lacking any and all motivation, the weather is shit, and Lola Gold has a flat. I know, I know, be positive and happy and then rainbows and unicorns will surround me while small animated Disney birds land on my shoulder and sing magical songs.

(Does one need a hunting license for Disney birds? Or may I just blow their day glow coloured heads off without formal documentation?)

On the upside, I finally have a surgery date to have those 4 ridiculous less-than-wise teeth ripped outta my skull where they will undoubtedly leave behind gaping blood filled holes that reach all the way into my jaw…… Wait. This is my upside?

Yeah, I’m fucked.

I’m gonna go cheer myself up by running out and buying these shirts for Steve and I so we can sit at home and stare longingly into each others eyes in our matching too cute for words shirts while Air Supply plays softly in the background.

Jealous, aren’t you?

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 22nd, 2009

I got nuthin’ today. No amusing antidotes or political rants or comments on the worlds general asshatness. Why? Because I’m officially burned out. I’m frayed at both ends and crispy black like the edges of toast left in just a little too long. I have to gear up for our fiscal year end which is like sticking shards of glass in my eye and blinking repeatedly and I have just completed one huge project that sucked out every ounce of will to live that I possess. I swear to fucking dog that the government (in relation to my position) exists solely to force me to generate ungodly amounts of reports and policies and blah blah blah. My personal favorite being the policy that I have just had to create about policies. I’m not fucking kidding you. My Policy Policy. Stick a fork in me (or a sharp stick or a  handful of cluster bombs) cause I’m done.

Uhg.

posted by: Kim
posted on: April 21st, 2009

After watching last nights broadcast of The National I am left with one simple question.

What sort of fuckery is this?

We all know the story of Robert Dziekanski by now. Tasered to death in the Vancouver airport by RCMP who spun a tale of defense that was -to their embarrassment- directly refuted by a video shot by a bystander. It’s been a gong show from the beginning with officers changing statements after watching the video evidence, the Crown deciding that the officers would not face criminal charges and actually stating publicly that the video supported their accounts. So much of a cluster fuck this is that Attorney General Wally Oppal has recently said that “nothing is final” and eluded to the possibility of future criminal charges against the officers despite his office having already “cleared” them.

The once sterling reputation of the RCMP has been taking a public shit kicking in recent years and that’s where the fuckery comes in. Benjamin Robinson, the officer responsible for ordering the repeated use of the taser, was in trouble long before he entered the Vancouver airport that day. Such were his personal and professional problems his immediate supervisor refused to endorse a pending promotion on the grounds that he was stressed and not fit for the command. The promotion went through anyway and Robinson ended up in Richmond where he ordered Dziekanski to be tasered 5 times, and where he also later killed a motorcyclist and then fled the scene while driving drunk with his children in the car. Clearly this is a man that should never have been in a position of power and this is the heart of the problem. The RCMP, rather than support and deal with the issue of an officer that is facing difficulties, chooses to simply transfer them in  the hope that the problems disappear or at the very least, become the headache of someone else. Could this have been avoided if the powers that be had intervened when one of their own started displaying a dizzying array of poor decisions? A shocking number of retired officers are now coming forward to express their dismay at how quickly and how far the department is sinking into a steaming pile of shit. One of those retired members just happens to be the former commanding officer of Benjamin Robinson and he brought up this almost unbelievable scenario which continues to play out in our Canadian towns and cities each and every day. According to him and others, the RCMP today is more concerned with their carefully constructed public image than they are with supporting their employees and dealing with potential problems. They just ship them out. Screw dealing with it, just send them somewhere new.

You could see the shame that those retired officers felt for their force. Their shame and their utter disgust for what it’s become.

In case you’re wondering…. After the taser incident Robinson was transferred to the RCMP’S Vancouver 2010 integrated security unit.  After the hit and run, he was suspended. With pay. So again, I must ask; What sort of fuckery is this?