to desire the replica

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 23rd, 2009

I am only a few short hours from being off work for 10 whole glorious days! Halla-fucking-luya!!!! There will be wine and food and presents and long stretches of time wearing flannel and fuzzy socks. There will be lounging. There may or may not be showering. There will be dogs running through snowy fields and cold noses and sitting in front of the fireplace. I am shutting down this bad boy until at least Dec 26th at which time my slightly hungover and turkey bloated body will regal you with a whole bunch of boring stories about…. well, probably about nothing. Unless Santa’s sleigh crashes in my backyard and we bring him inside and get him all pissed up and he throws up in the hallway and tries to hump one of the dogs. If that does happen I think we can all rest assured that Steve & I will be getting a villa in some charming European hillside for Christmas next year.

C’mon Santa. Crash that motherfucker.

ps- My receptionist Karen has a rather charming nativity scene on her desk. Is it wrong that I drew a mustache, sideburns and a penis on the baby jesus? I just figured that he must be sick of always being a baby- he wants to be A MAN!!!!

Of course, now the the whole “swaddled naked in a manger” thing is creepy as fuck.

Happy Christmas all and to all a good bottle of wine.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 22nd, 2009

RECIPE DAY!!!!!!!!! This one kicks ass, but it’s kinda a two parter- is best to be able to let it sit overnight after cooking but if you can’t- start early in the morning and give it a t least a few hours to sit in the fridge.

You’ll need;

3 bottles of red wine (one for you for part 1, one for you for part 2, one for the oxtail. It’s good to share.)

4 or 5 nice chunks of oxtail (sometimes hard to find- keep your eyes open- it will appear in your meat dept now & then if you don’t have a local butcher. Trust me, it’s worth the wait.)

couple of tbsp flour                                  tsp dried chilies

tsp cayenne                                               tbsp dried mustard powder

2 sprigs fresh thyme                                 3 or 4 whole bay leaves

2 lg onions                                                2 carrots

2 stalks celery                                           I med turnip

4 cloves garlic                                           1 tbsp oil

1/2 inch chunk of butter                           salt & fresh ground pepper

1 tomato pureed or chopped very finely     5 fat mushrooms (no, not that kind)

heaping tbsp grainy mustard                      heaping tbsp Dijon mustard

Heat your big bad oven to 300

Put flour, a few grinds of black pepper, dried mustard, cayenne & most of the dried chillies (saving a pinch for later) in to a ziplock and shake to completely coat oxtail. Melt butter & oil in oven safe pan/dutch oven thing over med/high heat- add oxtail & brown all sides- once it has nice colour, pull those creepy looking things out, set aside. Add chopped carrot, onion, turnip & celery (roughly chopped- all about same sized pieces) and stir for a few minutes. Add thinly sliced garlic, mushrooms cut into quarters, and tomato puree. Cook until mushrooms start to shrink down a bit- about 5 min. Drop oxtail back into pot, dump in the bottle of wine, the fresh thyme, bay leaves and remaining pinch of chilies. Bring to a quick boil then cover with lid and pop that little pot of heaven into the oven. Let it cook for 2-3 hours or until meat pulls off with little effort. Let stand until cool and then leave in the fridge overnight (or as long as you can)

Part two- Skim fat off of top, heat on stove slowly- when hot all the way through add grainy & Dijon mustard and cook for no more than 8-10 minutes.

Best with creamy mash potatoes made with hot milk, a sprinkle of fresh parsley, a handful of warmed frozen peas thrown in and a good dose of salt & pepper.

Now tell me- those weird looking fuckers sure do make a kick ass winter dinner- don’t they? If you’re a big fat baby and can’t imagine cooking them- do the same thing with a chunk of brisket but let it cook straight for 4-5 hours and serve- no need to sit overnight. Cut the wine in half and replace with beef stock & throw in a little horseradish root if you can find it. You’re missing out though.

For more goodness check out my food blog Fig & Pepper

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 21st, 2009

So it ’tis the season for Christmas parties and Suz & Stan had theirs on Saturday which included a hotel & a little adult time. (Bow chicka bowwaw!) This of course means that I got to spend the night hanging out with my favorite man under 3 feet. He will be 2 years old next month and has mastered more words than I can even begin to list. When he said “Unty” and “I Yove You” I swear to dog that I ovulated right there and then. Every time he did something adorable I immediately became a fallopian tube shaped pez dispenser. (No Suz, I am not having one so just shut it!)

Baby Gray has a thing for belly buttons. As you can see, I spent an inordinately large amount of time with my shirt pulled up and a chubby little finger rammed in mine.


posted by: Kim
posted on: December 18th, 2009

This has got to be one of the most iconic images that still stands today. Or at least it did until this morning when a couple of jackasses fucking stole it!

Seriously? What the fuck were you thinking? What do you intend to do with it? It isn’t some flashing amber street sign that teenagers use to favor stealing for their bedrooms. This is a rather enormous iron sign standing at the gates of a death camp! I can tell you from personal experience that standing under that sign is a feeling like no other that I’ve ever had before. It’s as though the very ground under that sign weeps.

And someone fucking took it. I just can’t fathom the reason why anyone would do that. It’s like spitting on the grave of millions.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 18th, 2009

Dear Kids,

I know that this is heartbreaking but due to global warming Frosty has suffered several irreversible set backs with his health and is now in hospice. He is heavily sedated and resting comfortably though unfortunately we feel that his end is close at hand.

In lieu of flowers donations to the World Wildlife fund or any other organization that aims to protect our rapidly melting ice caps will be gratefully accepted.

It’s been a good run Frosty. We’ll miss you.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 15th, 2009

Last night was our first snow fall of any real consequence. I woke and made coffee, leashed up the hounds and headed out. I love the first true snowfall in the morning. Everything has been quieted, muffled, and all of the sharp edges rounded out. It makes everything look clean and shrouded in tiny sparkling jewels. The hard bare earth that was brown yesterday now looks brand new as if freshly unwrapped. We walked in the quiet dawn shuffling down the un-shoveled sidewalks, me in my ridiculous brown hunter cap and the dogs in their even more ridiculous “Look! I’m in a GAP commercial!” sweaters. It’s not my fault, they are small and non shedding and therefore don’t grow winter coats. I have always said I would never be one of those people that dress up their dogs and laugh uproariously while the dog wears a quiet pained look of “Just fucking shoot me now.” I blame the sweaters on genetics. It’s just a coincidence that they happen to be adorable ones.

The snow means that Steve and I can finally bust out the gorgeous new winter boots that the dogs bought us for Christmas and I wrapped up beautifully way back in October only to goad Steve into opening them last month. It also makes me think of hot chocolate and Christmas and wool socks and I like thinking about those sorts of things.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 9th, 2009

It’s no secret that I grew up poor with a hard working hippy single mother at the helm of our often listing ship. For some reason, Christmas time always makes me revisit those days in my mind. It snowed here last night- only a little skiff- but as I walked to work and it fell lightly around me I found myself thinking of the Christmas’ of my youth. There were many years that I just assumed that Christmas wouldn’t apply to us as we simply didn’t have the resources to pull it off. It’s not that I thought Santa didn’t like us, it’s that I knew he didn’t exist. Is it just me or do poor kids stop believing in him years sooner than kids raised in a higher income bracket??? We were also not religious and therefore had no problem skipping the whole “birth of baby jesus” hoopla. Christmas isn’t a religious holiday for me- in fact in my mind, seeing as more people have been slaughtered and more wars started over conflicting religious beliefs, I have no problem saying we’d all be better off without it. Faith yes. Organized religion? No.

But that’s a whole other post with a whole other pile of hate mail…..

So, when Christmas rolls around every year and those little Salvation Army buckets come out I can’t help but feel a little nostalgic. We were welfare kids. We had more than one Salvation Army Christmas. I’m sure my mom was a little leery that first year- unsure whether the kid’s party would be fraught with bible stories and frankincense & myrrh- but she was bound and determined to swallow her pride for our sake.  We walked into a room full of kids that looked just like us- kids trying to look tough and nonchalant but secretly a little eager and  a little excited. I remember the uniforms- those Salvation army uniforms that looked so official- and I thought I smelled a rat. I remember wondering how long it would be until we were asked to leave- probably when the bibles came out.

I can tell you from first hand experience that despite their name, that Army wasn’t after my Salvation. They just smiled and handed me cocco and cookies and we sang carols. Not hymns, we sang carols. They made us feel like welcome arrivals, like they had been waiting for us. We had several Christmas’ with the help of the Salvation Army and they will always hold a special place in my heart. As an adult, I always put money in every single one of those those kettles that I see (believe me, the one at the liquor store does well) and I always get a lump in my throat when the person jingling the bell says “thank you” because it’s I who is thankful.

Right before writing this post I dropped off a bag of toys to “Toys for Tots” who distribute them via organizations like Big Brothers & Sisters, the YMCA, the local shelters and the Salvation Army. The pile of gifts, which was growing by the second, was easily as wide and high as 2 full sized pickups, side by side. As I stood waiting for my turn to add my toys I was thinking that dozens of years ago in a pile of gifts just like this one, there was- against all odds in my young mind-a toy for me brought by a stranger who stood in a line just as I was doing now.

posted by: Kim
posted on: December 8th, 2009

Is it just me or are any of you out there with a blog also getting an inordinately large amount of Russian spam these days?


Don’t get me wrong, the characters of the font are beautiful (Очень интересно… если бы еще и правда была-I have no idea what that says but it certainly is lovely! Probably tells me to go fuck a goat or something knowing my luck) but seriously, is there a Russian blog comment party in town that no one has bothered to tell me about?

So much for Japan because apparently I’m big in Russia.