HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!!!!!!!!!!!

(Though seeing as I gave him the guitar WEEKS ago- it seems strange saying that today!)

The photo is a bit shitty so let me clarify my gourmet wizardry for you…..

Lobster, crab legs, scallops in lime and red chilies, scallops in bacon and caramelized tomatoes, prawns in lemon & garlic, a big bowl of clams & muscles in white wine and fennel and a wee delicate watercress salad.

BEST. DINNER. EVER.

It’s recipe day!!!!!! And this time we’re drinking white wine. I know, change is difficult. We’ll get through it together…..

You’ll need

A bottle of white wine- I like pinot grigio but anything dry will do- avoid Chardonnay. This recipe only calls for 1 cup so buy something you like to drink silly!

About 3 dozen or so fresh small clams

2 cloves of finely sliced garlic cloves

good sized pinch of dried chilies

a handful of roughly chopped fresh parsley

3 tbsp olive oil

salt & fresh pepper

Put on a big pot of well salted water to boil for the linguine noodles.

Put 1 cup of wine in a medium pot, bring it to a boil, drop in the clams and put a lid on that baby. They should only take 2-3 minutes to cook and fully open. Dig out the meat and discard any clams that didn’t open. separately, set aside clam meat & cooking booze because you’re gonna need it in a minute.

In a big skillet heat 1 tbsp of the oil over med/low heat and toss in garlic. (psst- hey you. Don’t forget about the noodles. Make the damn linguine noodles!!!) Stir the garlic until it softens but don’t let it start to colour- it changes the taste. Stir in chilies & parsley and cook for another minute or so. Stir in wine from clam cooking and let it bubble down for a couple minutes. Drain pasta and add it as well as the remaining oil & clam meat to the pan. Add a shit load of fresh ground back pepper and a big pinch of crushed rock salt or sea salt. (Are you still using crappy table salt? Really? Buy a cheap little mortar & pedestal or salt grinder and get the good stuff- it’s not expensive and it make a HUGE fucking difference.)

Deep warm bowls & a chunk of toasted baguette. Oh yeah, that’s the goods baby, and in all of 15 minutes.

This is a good one. It will get you laid or out of the dog house or whatever you currently require. It’s best if you can make the salsa & the potato salad early in the am so they can marinate in the fridge all day. Use tightly sealed containers & shake that shit up every couple of hours.

You will need;

A bevy to drink while cooking- I am going with a nice Shiraz. (I’m suspect of people who don’t drink while they cook- it’s like a bartender that doesn’t drink. Makes me think that I’m being poisoned.)

Lemon thyme potato salad;

2 lemons, about 15 baby new potatoes, 2 sprigs fresh thyme, 1 red onion, a big splash of apple cider vinegar, 2 cloves of garlic, hand full of trimmed green beans, salt & pepper.

Half or quarter the potatoes depending on size. Boil the potatoes & green beans (cooked, but still firm- not mushy.) strain them and leave to cool. Zest one lemon into a large bowl then add juice from both. Add a good splash of apple cider vinegar & garlic cloves, finely chopped.  Sprinkle with salt & pepper and add half a red onion, thinly sliced. Chop the shit out of the thyme leaves and add cooled potatoes & beans. Stick it in the fridge.

Pineapple Mango salsa;

Fresh cilantro, 1 very ripe mango, a few slices of fresh pineapple (please don’t used canned- it isn’t the same)  couple slices of red onion finely diced, 1 lime.

Chop up the pineapple & mango into little chunks- not too big- but not too tiny or they just get mushy. finely dice cilantro leaves (about 2 tbsp???) Zest the lime and then squeeze the juice into the bowl. Dice up the red onion small- again, about 2 tbsp? Sorry- cooking isn’t an exact science for me- it’s all about throwing good shit in a bowl & seeing how it comes out. Throw this in a sealed container in the fridge to mix & marinade into kick ass salsa goodness.

Blackened Snapper;

2 nice sized snapper fillets. A shit load of blackening spices. ( I personally use a pre-made Cajun mix to which I add a fuck-ton of Cayenne & smoked paprika & dried red chilies.) The fish can be VERY spicy as both sides are cool & fresh.

Slather the fillets in blackening spices- coat them very well. Add equal parts butter & olive oil (about 3 tbsp of oil and a half inch chunk of butter?) Heat the pan till HOT then add the snapper & cook a few min on each side till crispy and cooked through. If you like your fish cooked above the regular med rare then get thin fillets- this has to be cooked hot and fast and thick fillets will be burnt to a fucking crisp by the time they’re cooked through.)

Ok- not to state the obvious or anything but plate the fish, add a huge dollop of salsa & the potato salad & EAT. Check my contact page for the correct address for the gifts that you will now feel obligated to send me.

RECIPE DAY!!!!!!!!! This one kicks ass, but it’s kinda a two parter- is best to be able to let it sit overnight after cooking but if you can’t- start early in the morning and give it a t least a few hours to sit in the fridge.

You’ll need;

3 bottles of red wine (one for you for part 1, one for you for part 2, one for the oxtail. It’s good to share.)

4 or 5 nice chunks of oxtail (sometimes hard to find- keep your eyes open- it will appear in your meat dept now & then if you don’t have a local butcher. Trust me, it’s worth the wait.)

couple of tbsp flour                                  tsp dried chilies

tsp cayenne                                               tbsp dried mustard powder

2 sprigs fresh thyme                                 3 or 4 whole bay leaves

2 lg onions                                                2 carrots

2 stalks celery                                           I med turnip

4 cloves garlic                                           1 tbsp oil

1/2 inch chunk of butter                           salt & fresh ground pepper

1 tomato pureed or chopped very finely     5 fat mushrooms (no, not that kind)

heaping tbsp grainy mustard                      heaping tbsp Dijon mustard

Heat your big bad oven to 300

Put flour, a few grinds of black pepper, dried mustard, cayenne & most of the dried chillies (saving a pinch for later) in to a ziplock and shake to completely coat oxtail. Melt butter & oil in oven safe pan/dutch oven thing over med/high heat- add oxtail & brown all sides- once it has nice colour, pull those creepy looking things out, set aside. Add chopped carrot, onion, turnip & celery (roughly chopped- all about same sized pieces) and stir for a few minutes. Add thinly sliced garlic, mushrooms cut into quarters, and tomato puree. Cook until mushrooms start to shrink down a bit- about 5 min. Drop oxtail back into pot, dump in the bottle of wine, the fresh thyme, bay leaves and remaining pinch of chilies. Bring to a quick boil then cover with lid and pop that little pot of heaven into the oven. Let it cook for 2-3 hours or until meat pulls off with little effort. Let stand until cool and then leave in the fridge overnight (or as long as you can)

Part two- Skim fat off of top, heat on stove slowly- when hot all the way through add grainy & Dijon mustard and cook for no more than 8-10 minutes.

Best with creamy mash potatoes made with hot milk, a sprinkle of fresh parsley, a handful of warmed frozen peas thrown in and a good dose of salt & pepper.

Now tell me- those weird looking fuckers sure do make a kick ass winter dinner- don’t they? If you’re a big fat baby and can’t imagine cooking them- do the same thing with a chunk of brisket but let it cook straight for 4-5 hours and serve- no need to sit overnight. Cut the wine in half and replace with beef stock & throw in a little horseradish root if you can find it. You’re missing out though.

It’s Recipe day!!!!!!

You’ll need;

4 cups of red wine

2 nice sized chunks of salmon

about 1 cup chopped cashews (or pecans)

2 tbsp red curry paste

1/4 cup flour

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp crushed sea salt (don’t use that crappy table salt bullshit)

1 can coconut milk

olive oil

Pour yourself the first of 4 glasses of wine. (did you seriously think it was for the salmon?) Pour the coconut milk into a deep bowl and mix in the paprika. Season the salmon liberally with salt and then coat the salmon pieces in the curry paste. Place in the bowl of milk and leave to soak- preferably overnight- but a couple of hours will do if that’s all you have. Mix the crushed nuts with the flour and coat the salmon. Put in hot pan with olive oil and cook each side evenly (including edges) about 7 minutes or until golden brown. If your salmon is thick put it in a 375 oven for a few minutes once it’s browned.

Drink more wine.

I have decided that I am going to start something new on this blog and I shall call it Recipe day! You’ll notice that I haven’t called it “Food Friday” or “Tasty Tuesday” and there is a very good reason for this. Let’s be realistic here people, I’m not nearly reliable enough to stick to one specific day. My inaugural recipe is French Onion Soup and it’s fucking delicious.

You’ll need;

4 cups of red wine (1 for the soup, 3 to drink while cooking)

4 or 5 cups beef stock (or one of those liter boxes if you don’t make your own)

2 large sweet onions

1 tbsp butter (the real stuff, not marg)

1 tbsp olive oil

tsp mustard powder

about 1/2 cup swiss or smoked gruyere cheese

couple of slices of baguette

2 Oven safe french onion soup bowls

Slice up onions and saute them in butter and olive oil. Cook over medium heat stirring every now & then for about 1 hour until they’re a pan of golden brown caramelized goodness.

While the onions are cooking put on a pot of beef stock. Drop in garlic cloves, mustard powder and red wine and simmer while onions are cooking.

Grate the cheese and toast the slices of baguette under the broiler. Once the onions are ready add them to the beef stock and bring to a boil. Turn down the heat and let it simmer for 15 min. Fill soup bowls, put in toasted bread and top with cheese. broil on high until cheese is brown and bubbly. Serve with bread and slices of hot Genoa or some other yummy rich sausage.

Oh yeah. That’s the goods.

I love food. Clams of course are food. Therefore, I love clams. Take all of this stuff and throw it in a pot.

And you get this. And then you will be the happiest person in the world. Well, except for that clam juice stain on your favorite shit. That part kind of sucks.

You know how sometimes certain ingredients just make you smile and feel all fuzzy inside? I came home with a big block of Parmesan, a carton of heavy cream, butter and some fresh bread. Add a giant handful of prawns and scallops, some cilantro and a whole hell of a lot of garlic and viola! We have the number one reason why Steve will never leave me for a younger, hotter woman.

And now we lounge, feet up and 2 snoring dogs.

**Update**

By request- here’s the recipe- but keep in mind I’m more of a “just throw shit in” kind of gal so all measurements are approximate.

Pour a very large glass of wine. For you (obviously) not the pasta.

Melt 3 tbsp butter in a big sauce pan add 1 finely minced clove of garlic (I also add a couple tablespoons of roasted garlic- if you don’t have roasted, mince 3 or 4 cloves instead of 1) and a small handful of finely chopped onion. Let it brown over med heat. Once browned, sprinkle in about 2 1/2 tbsp flour and stir like crazy. Once it’s “pasty” but not lumpy stir in 1 cup chicken stock (or beef or fish, you can buy cans of it in the soup aisle if you don’t make it) Now stir in 1 cup cream (light or heavy) Simmer on low while it thickens

In another pan saute whatever veg you want- just a few min on med/high- add the seafood- flip flip flip add the cilantro (or basil also works great)

Take a large gulp of wine.

Just before the pasta and veg are done add 1 cup fresh grated parm a big pinch of salt and a whack of cracked black pepper to the sauce & stir till melted. Mix pasta, sauce & veg in a big pot and then send me presents because I’m wonderful.