posted on: August 3rd, 2008

Adios smelly friend

Tomorrow marks the official start to “Operation Quit Smoking” in my world and I am quite frankly, shitting my pants. Me & the ciggies have had a long and faithful relationship, 22 years to be exact. I have never been an adult without a cigarette. How terrifying is that little fact? I have a partner in crime for this little venture which is good- you know, spread the misery safety in numbers and all that crap. I was a pack a day smoker the very day that I started. I distinctly recall going to the store with Susin and buying that first shiny cello wrapped deck of Export “A”, taking that first deep drag and thinking “Sweet Jesus! This is what’s been missing!” An old boss of mine once said “If smoking were an Olympic sport, Kim would be Canada’s team captain.” I excel at few things and smoking has always been one of them.

I will miss dearly that gold pack with the weird chick in the kilt and hat holding her dapper little cane, but alas, as much as it hurts me, I am breaking up with her.

I have just one simple question. What the hell do you non-smokers do? I imagine that coffee breaks will become one big fucking dead zone with seemingly little point. After a great meal or a romp in the bedroom, what the hell do you do then? TELL ME!!! I NEED TO KNOW!!!

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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 3rd, 2008 at 8:35 pm and is filed under Crap That I Hate. You can follow any responses to this entry through the Comments Feed feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “End of an era”

Richie Rich Says:

August 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 pm

masterbate, as it keeps the hands busy… and then blog about it, as it also keep the hands busy.

seriously though, i’m glad you are quitting : ) that way you’ll be stuck in this messed up world with the rest of us for the duration!

redstar Says:

August 4th, 2008 at 12:11 am

you could always take up chew. that’s attractive….

G Says:

August 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Yeah you!

suz Says:

August 4th, 2008 at 4:40 pm

I have to tell ya…and I mean no offense to all of the non smokers in the world, (a population which I am definitely now part of) but…there is a lack of personality in these people. Smokers are just well…more social, sarcastic and silly -or so it seems. Could also be that it’s just the non smokers that I spend my coffee breaks with. Gawd! Sometimes they drag out forever, and I find myself salivating at the mere thought of a smelly cancer stick.
It is almost embarrassing to be a smoker these days. The scowls you get…people freaking out that you’ll start a forest fire..right in the middle of downtown Kelowna!!!
I’m tellin’ ya…it goes on and on.

Don’t you also have to be like 4ft away from a business now in order to smoke? Ack! it’s probably for the best that the non-smokers are making us feel small and unworthy! They might as well ban us all to an island of our own. Fuckers. Tho I don’t smoke…I shall always proudly be a smoker just as an alcoholic shall always be an alcoholic. Damn society! Don’t even get me started on the good ol’ Scooby Doobie!

Donna Says:

August 4th, 2008 at 10:08 pm

Well, I quit this past January after 23 years. I’m not gonna lie to you, it SUCKS. Fucking SUCKS actually. Put the damn patch on, hell, put 2 on but just be prepared to suck it up. Think of all the non smokers in the world who go through their lives doing “stuff” and never thinking about smoking. You will be one of them. “Pretend” you are one of them for a while.
As much as I looooooved smoking, and I feel like I lost the best friend I ever had, I HATED quitting. Once you get past the shitty point, just remember how much you HATED quitting. Yes, I loved smoking, but the hate of quitting outweighed it.
So, my advice. Pretend. Suck it up. Stick nicotine patches all over your body. Gain 10 lbs eating (I did, but got rid of it). And again, suck it up. It will end.

Good luck!