Those of you who have been around for a while are well aware of my rather lackluster attitude towards religion (at best) and my general disgust for it’s hypocrisy (at worst). I grew up without religion. My Mother-as I have stated many times-is a forgetful, loving, crazyass hippy who was force fed the Jehovah Witness dogma as a child. So fundamentally against what she saw, my mother rebelled with a vengeance. Her parents retaliated by first sending her to juvie hall for “disruptive behavior” and later by having her locked in a convent. Yes- that’s correct. The Jehovah witnesses locked their daughter in a Catholic convent. I guess they figured that their God had failed to reign her in so they may as well let one of the other ones available give it a whirl. Consequently, I grew up without religion. I was encouraged to test the waters on whichever ones tickled my fancy, but no pressure. I have never been baptized.

I tagged along with various friends to multi denomination church services and one of the first things that I noticed was that to attend church on Sunday, one had to dress up. You had to be polished and primped and glowing and your socks had to match. Apparently, God only likes pretty people and I had an enormous problem with this for several reasons.

#1- Since we were poor, my socks never matched and my version of “good clothes” resembled the play clothes of most others.

#2- It just pissed me off. Even as a kid I hated doing things that didn’t make sense simply because I was told to. This is coming from the girl who was kicked out of Brownies because the lady leader couldn’t give me a reasonable explanation as to where the quarter (that I was required to bring to each meeting) went. I had no problem paying it- I just needed to know what I was buying.

So, after being shot a zillion dirty looks for my less than sparkling attire, I decided that God must only like movie stars & barbies, bored housewives and models. Basically, I thought God was a huge snob, and it appears as though this assessment wasn’t too far off. Don’t believe me? Ask the Revrend William Blasingame of Staten Island. Since January of 2005 and up until he resigned earlier this year, the 66 year old Reverend has stolen over $85,000.00 dollars from the church to pay for his plastic surgery, botox treatments, and flashy clothes. The pilfered funds came from the church’s maintenance & beautification savings (though I’m pretty sure they meant beautification of the actual church rather than it’s aging leader) and from their “emergency fund” designed to help out parishioners in need.

See. Even the church leaders know that God only likes the pretty people. Who cares if you have to break a few commandments to be one…

(ps- Thank you TK for sending me this link, but mostly for knowing what a kick out of it I would get! you the best baby!)