to desire the replica

posted on: March 20th, 2009

Remember the good old days when you would wake up in your lead paint laden bedroom to cram in a breakfast of processed foods before running out into the street with your friends to zip around the neighborhood on your banana seat equip bike sans helmet or bell or reflectors? Seat belts were optional, a BB gun was a perfectly acceptable gift for 10 year old, lawn darts were cool rather than “deadly projectiles” and if you spilled hot coffee in your lap you were laughed at rather than awarded several million dollars in the resulting lawsuit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for safety- particularly when children are involved. I wholeheartedly support child safety seats & the cutting of the strangulating loopy cords on blinds, not letting adults smoke in a car containing children etc, etc. Do I believe in letting a kid fall down and scrape their knee? Absolutely- kids aren’t meant to live in bubbles and those glow in the dark band aids are available for a reason. I think we take safety a few steps over the line into the realm of overprotective but I don’t have kids, so what the hell do I know.

When it comes to adults though, I think we’ve not only crossed the line, I think we’ve trekked far beyond it and are camping deep in the heart of crazy town (aka enforced risk management for the masses.) Think I’m exaggerating? Let’s look at just a few recent examples. New Jersey is considering an all out ban on Brazilian waxing. If I were in New Jersey, it would no longer be my decision whether I wanted to sport the smooth hairless look verses the racing strip or the full Michael Jackson because 2 women reported being injured during the waxing service. Are you kidding me? How is the volume (or lack of) my pubic hair the business of anyone other than me?

The tragic death of actress Natasha Richardson has landed the helmet issue right back in the spotlight and as they’re already mandatory for bicycles most everywhere, I’m sure ski hills are next. And don’t forget water skiing, tubing and rollerblading. Oh and skateboarding, or for that matter, crossing the damn street.

Australia wants to follow China and Iran’s lead in mandatory internet filters. Porn would be just one of the things that would be banned because apparently Australians are not capable of looking at porn without adverse effects or without children getting a hold of it. What about those porn loving childless people? Nope! No porn for you either….you know, just in case.

I am quite frankly getting sick of being told what is and is not too dangerous or too risky for me. (Though don’t you find it highly amusing that we’re not allowed to drive around the block without being buckled in but it’s perfectly acceptable for to jump off of a fuck off foot high cliff attached to a giant elastic. Acceptable risk management 101?)I am an adult- isn’t being able to make your own decisions that what we as children looked forward to the most about being a grown up?

I’m no daredevil but if I want to wax my pink parts while watching porn and running with scissors….well, fuck you, I’m damn well gonna do it.

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NJ’s ban on Brazillian waxing is just rudiculous and just proves again how STUPID NJ really is.

I agree and think that we should be able to make our own decisions about wearing helmets, it’s like Survival of the Fittest.

Jeannie Says:

I agree so much with you it hurts. None of us is going to get through life without a little pain and we are all going to die. We learn through our mistakes. If it hurts, we won’t do it again (remind me never to agree with you again ok?). There is such a thing as taking responsibility for your actions. If you accept a hot cup of coffee, you might get burned but most of the time, you won’t if you aren’t a total clutz or in a moving vehicle on a bumpy road. In either case, it’s not the fault of the person who made the coffee which required using very hot water. If I go skiing, I could bump my head or break a leg. I went skiing a lot and was bad at it and fell down a lot - luck of the draw, I never got hurt. I crashed my bike, dove into the shallow end of pools, jumped off roofs, drove go-carts madly roller skated with no safety equipment whatsoever. I’m still here. I had lots of friends who broke and strained stuff but not one of them ever said - I wish I’d never done “blank” or thought there should be some safety gear to protect them. In fact, we’d grumble about wearing life jackets when boating and usually didn’t - and we overturned boats ALL THE TIME. There are times when the risks require more safety diligence but please, when one person in 5 million gets an unlucky break, doesn’t mean it should be mandatory that all of us don football equipment to walk to the store.

Stever Says:

As long as you’re wearing a helmet during your wax/porn/scissor fest I think you’ll be just fine.

If you’re doing it in Australia just be sure to keep the chin strap tied tight. Else the helmet could fall off, being upside down on the “bottom” of the world and all.

It must be the blood flowing to their heads that allow them to make such moronic moves towards mass censorship.

The page Kim linked to above is a ‘lil old. For those that have not heard, the Australian govt has not yet been able to implement their mass filter but in the meantime they maintain a “secret list” of banned sites. Websites, located in Australia, can be fined $11,000 per day for linking to any of the sites on the list.

Yes, fines for linking to sites on a “secret list”.

The list of course contains the obvious shit like child porn, but the recently leaked list also contains pages to whistle blower websites that published a Danish list of banned child porn sites. Same site now has the Aussie list too, and of course those pages are now on the list.

Aussie Communication Minister yesterday said that the leaked list was not the authentic government blacklist. BUT, also said that those that leaked it could face serious criminal charges.

That’s where censorship goes. People in power subverting information.

Here’s some links on the shit storm that’s been stirred up in last few days;
http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2009/03/australia-censo.html

http://www.zdnet.com.au/news/communications/soa/Leaked-list-not-ACMA-blacklist-Conroy/0,130061791,339295547,00.htm

http://www.somebodythinkofthechildren.com/

I’ll bring the safety scissors and lube!

Kim Says:

Now that’s what I’m talking about!!!!

Dave Says:

Okay, in all seriousness, I used to be really anti-helmet, because I read a study once that showed that motorcycle deaths would be reduced by less than 5%. As a motorcyclist, I saw the logic in that and had disdain for the law. However, helmets for bicycles are shown to prevent serious brain injuries 95% of the time. I crashed a big bike once, and can’t believe I survived. The helmet kept my face all pretty, so I wear one without complaint now. I still don’t see the reason in fining people for choosing not to. However, I watched helplessly as my daughter had a huge bicycle crash last summer, and if I doubted the value of helmets, I’m a believer now. It didn’t save her face, there were scabs all over for about 2 months, but the helmet split front to back, and she had no brain injury of any sort. Just a punched up nose. With kids, I think it makes sense, for all sports that include speed. For grownups too, but again, I hate to trample on peoples god given right to fuck up their head. The bungee jumping thing is funny as hell. I don’t even know how to approach that point. It kind of makes the whole thing seem ridiculous.

Laws, who needs em.

Dave Says:

Don’t ask me to cite my sources, these came from my pre critical days. Study might mean macleans magazine or a cereal box, i dunno

Donna Says:

Now what about a good old Epilady? Could we still Epilady the stuff off in NJ????

Great post Kim.

Matt Says:

This figures. New Jersey is so fucking stupid… no wonder people call it the armpit of America.

Liz Says:

I think you should put that last sentence on a t-shirt. :)

Kim Says:

@Liz- LMAO! can you imagine? It would have to be in some really soft “feminine” colour like baby pink or something. ha ha ha . I’ll be picturing that t-shirt all day!

Bon Don Says:

onward with waxing my pink parts!!

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