I have a wee bit of “the fear” in me right now. It’s pouring rain, and I mean POURING, and for those of you who don’t know, my apartment has a history of flooding. Prior to (and after, for that matter) putting up my little alcove entrance above the stairs they flooded too many times to count. Several times it went beyond the usual small lake in the entrance and actually flooded my bottom step to several inches above the door creating a mini tsunami when I opened it. The underground pipes have broken once and been blocked by tree roots once, both times causing water to gush into my kitchen through a floor drain. Another time the upstairs tub over flow broke and their bath tub full of water emptied from the ceiling into my kitchen. Oh, and the time the washing machine upstairs flooded out into my hallway. And the time my toilet broke and took 12 days for the special “no one caries them any more” parts to arrive. Can’t forget the time the leaf clogged eaves froze and then overflowed and seeped on in to visit me. Wait…. there must be more….OH YEAH, there was the time that the hot water heater emptied itself onto my kitchen floor. Twice.

Yes. There have been issues to be sure. There are 3.5 more hours until I will be home and I am fearing the worst. I am officially done with the flooding and will probably just pack up and sleep in the backyard igloo again until I can find something on dry land. My astrological sign is that of the water carrier and let me tell you, the novelty of that fucking joke has long since worn off.

**Update- Hi! Welcome to my fucking swimming pool! Please leave your towels on the hooks provided………I am sitting down (seething) after 40 minutes of bailing (yes, I said BAILING) and mopping, 30 minutes of chipping away at the pseudo aqueduct around my entrance and a while longer shoveling all the sloppy wet shit that will undoubtedly flood me later tonight, despite my best fucking efforts. After living through 50 or so of these water issues & floods, dear landlord if you’re listening, and I know you are, I do believe it’s time for “buy 16 months of water logged rent and get one free”  I’m quite serious.

You know the BEST part kids? My own personal flood season has just fucking begun.