to desire the replica

posted on: May 29th, 2009

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea from this post-I’m spontaneous in many aspects of my little existence. When on any of my backpacking adventures, I loved not knowing what was around the next corner (like getting drunk in Paris & waking up on a train to Barcelona even though I hadn’t ever intended on going to Spain)

However, having said that- I am also a planner. I am also a list maker. As I have said before, I have made lists of the lists that I need to make. There are certain areas of  my life that are allergic to change and I like to be prepared. For anything.

I just got off of the phone with my dentist. My “let’s rip out those little fuckers that have taken up residence in your jaw” wisdom teeth surgery has been bumped to Monday.

THIS Monday.


I am deathly terrified a wee bit scared of the anesthetic and this accelerated time frame means that I won’t have time to video overly dramatic soliloquies to all of my loved ones in case I don’t make it. Believe me, they would have been the shit and stood a good chance of winning some type of smarmy superstar award. Now I got nuthin’.  If the anesthesiologist is hung over or pissed off and fucks up, I will have no soulful monologue to be played at my luau themed memorial. All because some fucking guy got mono & couldn’t make his surgery date.


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It could be worse - at least by having it on a Monday you should be back to normal by the weekend.

It could be worse - Dr. Drillenstein could have said he wanted to move it to today.

Brian Smart Says:

Kim: There are a few positive things about this:
- they give you kick-ass painkillers. When my wife had hers done she just wanted to rest “in front of the fireplace” in our old apartment. (we don’t have a fireplace).
- the swelling enables you to do really convincing Vito Corleone impression “Ehhhh I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse”.
- I think Monday means you miss work versus miss a weekend and the dentist will likely be in good shape - I once got a hair cut by my old barber after mens night at the golf club at which he was a usual and active participant in the more bibulous aspects - and RJ almost cut my fucking ear off.
- any surgerty that does not involve shaving normally not to be shaved areas of the body is a good thing.

shine Says:

I’ve got the skin crawls just thinking about it. Seriously. And it’s not even happening to me.

Though I do still have mine. If those little fuckers turn against me, I will go in after them myself.

Dusty Says:

Brian makes some very good points..So I concur with him. ;)

f.B Says:

Who rips out teeth on a Monday? That’s illegal. What are you supposed to do with all that mouthal discomfort all week?

Kim Says:

I will admit I’m looking forward to the drugs… but the down side is that they are very “well established” (read as fused into my jaw) so there will be a lot of nasty cracking and grinding.)
@Brian- I wonder if we’ll suddenly get a fireplace? I was sort of hoping for a pool. ;)

LiLu Says:

The pain killers are REMARKABLE. Granted I was using them recreationally from a friend who had hers out, but not only were they awesome, she went back for more 3 times, just because she said she needed them.

Just sayin.

Brian Smart Says:

Kim: Perhaps if you get in your bathing suit and water wings prior to the surgery this will have some suggestive kind of influence on the pharmaceuticals. Course that could backfire too and next thing you know you are at the Miss America pageant about to chuck knuckles with Miss Montana or something. Nah..fuck that idea.

Kim Says:

Oh great Brian, now I’m gonna get kicked out of the hospital!

Jeannie Says:

So glad mine wasn’t the only fuggy day. I haven’t even spoken to a surgeon yet about possible neck surgery but told my daughter that if the knife slips I want to be put out of my misery. I’ll be signing a DNR.

I’m sure you’ll be fine. Even those who might have a bad reaction to anesthetic generally still come through just fine.

Kim Says:

Jeannie- I have called in some favors from the god that I do not believe in and when you do get your surgery, you will have a bionic neck!

suz Says:

o! baby! Will u be ok? Do you need anything? Do you need us to come? What time is the surgery? love you!

Dave Says:

@Brian Smart: Sad to see you leave Don’t let the bastards grind you down. (Sorry for pirating your blog Kim.)

Bon Don Says:

Oh no, you poor thing, i too am scurred of the dentist chair…you’ll be fine :) have fun on those painkillers!

Desert Rat Says:

I feel for you, I do. It will be over in no time and then you will be on a liquid diet for a few days - that’s the part I hated.
Have Steve guest blog and tell us how you are doing.

upstairsguy Says:

hmmm….. a liquid diet of Kieths and painkillers. could be on to something there……

Brian Smart Says:

Hope everything went well Kim and you are currently enjoying painkillers and on a little magic carpet ride of your own.

Dave: Thanks for that. Weird, but I feel the same way about that blog that I felt about hockey when I was a young teen; loved it when I was a kid but the more competitve and serious it got things invariably turned nasty and the fun got sucked out of it and I quit playing. Same kinda thing - a few fucktards polluted the thing I just couldn’t be bothered anymore.

suz Says:

will Upstairs guy have to change his name to Downstairs guy when you move upstairs?

Hope you’re feeling better love

kim Says:

Hi all. I’m kinda loopy on the couch right now day two. Formulating a post (I had to write post 3 x I kept writing pot) Yeah, the drugs are good.
Brian-wtf? What’s happend over ther while I’ve been stoned? (Dave, you can pirate my blog any day!) We can all chat here but I gonna head over to MG when I lose the double vision and see whats up

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