to desire the replica

posted on: May 26th, 2009

I need a vehicle this large to house my enormous ego.

Dear Asshole,

I see you driving around town on a regular basis. All 120 lbs of blond stick figure hoisting yourself into your Hummer and every time you drive by the pretension and self importance in the air is so thick that I nearly gag. Why the fuck do you need a hummer? Seriously?

Shuttling yourself between Pier One Imports and The Pottery Barn isn’t off-roading, you self indulgent peroxide bimbette.

I’d love to see you attempt to fix your own flat in that thing. Really, I’d almost pay to see that.

-Kim

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Brian Smart Says:

Her fucking sister lives in Whitehorse. She drives one of those customized Ford F-150’s with all the Harley Davidson decals and detailing. It’s jacked up so high she must use a sky crane to get into it. She has a matching jacket and does the hair flip thing while talking on her cell phone while she cuts me off pulling into the gym for her kickboxing aerobics class. Thump thump thump goes the dance music. I’m gonna get an M1A1 Abrams and blow her right off the road.

JustJP Says:

Now that is funny!

If you ever see it, get it on video. Because I fucking hate that. SO much. My ex’s ex started stalking him a little bit when he and I were together, and that dumb bitch drove an orange hummer. Nothing like subtlety.

It’s so sad that GM might be shutting down the Hummer division. So very sad. I’ll miss not being able to see the road in front of me for the giant white monstrosity blocking out the sun.

Kim Says:

Hey- Let’s all start an “Egg a Hummer” club. (It’s more politically correct than my original “Bomb a Hummer” idea.)

Jeannie Says:

I fucking hate yellow hummer people. I’ve posted on this in the past.

I’ll bet Leonard Cohen doesn’t own a yellow hummer.

Kim Says:

Damn Rights he doesn’t!!!!
**sigh** I love Leonard.

I understand that men who drive such vehicles are usual suffering from the disease “smallcockitis.” What makes a woman drive one? Please help.

Desert Rat Says:

She’s not planning on ruining her body by having kids so she doesn’t care if the earth ends because she needs to look “cool” right now.

Kim Says:

@Desert- that’s it exactly!
@Refugee- It’s vainitis, otherwise known as swollen selfimpotantitis!

shine Says:

Actually…yeah. That’s the best reason I’ve ever heard for people owning Hummers. So the rest of us can laugh while they try to change a flat. I’ll chip in to see that.

Dave Says:

I don’t know Kim, the egg thing, screw politically correct. I understand that people driving Hummers around Edmonton are just avoiding all the land mines. No one ever talks about the fact that the landmines were orignially planted just to blow up Hummers. It’s kind of a vicious cycle really. I don’t know who to side with.

Kim Says:

ha ha! That’s why I left Edmonton as a toddler- too many fucking landmines!

suz Says:

I may have developed a crush on Brain.

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