to desire the replica

posted on: July 23rd, 2009

Dear Asshole,

Don’t you dare look shocked that I just screamed at you in a parking lot full of strangers, or that in my smarmy “office attire” I look too nice to use words like “shit for brains”, “fuckface” and “asshat”. You’re just damn lucky that you dragged your sorry ass across the street before I smashed out your fucking window. It’s 37 degrees outside you moronic asshole. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DOG IN THE CAR! I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re a 95 year old woman or a 26 year old body builder, I will make you feel like the piece of shit that you are being because there is no excuse for that. NONE! I will be loud, I will be angry, I will draw great amounts of attention to you, and I will be on the verge of ripping out your goddamn throat the entire fucking time. And just so you know, your dog is a better fucking person that you are.

Was that clear enough? Let me know if there is any confusion. I’d be happy to reiterate.


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suz Says:

i love you baby! i almost love the term “asshat” evenmore!

Hannah Says:

Asshole indeed! Some people are so selfish and careless. And why would you bring your dog to the mall or grocery store anyway?

I can not stand people who have the audacity to do such a thing. I typically call the cops because it is illegal in NY. But I also would have done the same exact thing you did.

Taylor Says:

I love that you did that. It makes me so upset when I see dogs trapped in cars like that. *cries*

I applaud you.

Kim Says:

My office sits next to a big parking lot which is across the street from a casino. I do hourly “walk-a-bouts” to check for dogs- you wouldn’t believe how many I find- then have their owners paged in the casino (and then berate them as loud and as long as possible.)

shine Says:

Wow. People do this in Texas, too…in the 100+ degree heat. Assholes.

justjp Says:

Preach it! Church!

Brian Smart Says:

Just so everybody knows I have this list, kinda like the one people talk about where you figure out the person you would most like to have dinner with, or to name 3 people that you would choose to have stranded on a desert island with you. My list is people I would want with me if I had to go into combat; Kim is now on that list.

Kim Says:

LOVE IT!!!!!!! (what can I say? I grew up as the baby with two older brothers that had “anger issues”- I learned to kick some ass)

Mike Says:

I don’t understand asshats who do that. Blows my mind.

Unless the dog is getting out at the same destination I am, she isn’t in the car during the summer.

Winter, completely different story. She’s a border terrier, I’m a Canadian that doesn’t live in B.C. That means we are both cold weather animals and can hang out in said cold weather for extended periods of time.

Anyways. The shitheads that do this need to spend some time in the car themselves to understand.

Good for you. I would do exactly the same thing and probably have to be restrained. This pisses me off to the extreme. Fucking idiots. I was going to say “what sort of human does that to an animal?” but then I remembered the dullards do it to kids as well. People who leave their dog in a hot car should be stuck in one for a day themselves and see how it feels. You know, AFTER you’ve kicked them in the netherlands. You rule! :)

Megan Says:

You have to be kidding. People are such asses. I would stand outside the locked car and cry.

Yes, yes a thousand times yes. I had this happen at a gym I was working out at - came outside and saw the dog in the van. I asked them to make an announcement, waited two minutes and no one came. I told them to make another announcement that I was about to break the van’s window with a rock to get the dog out. They thought I was joking until I showed them the big ass rock I had found outside.

After that announcement, the dude showed up. Shocking, huh?

If people are stupid enough to think this is alright, even after being told, or aren’t around, I feel justified in breaking the window. Completely justified.

Jeannie Says:

Shit for brains is giving them too much credit.

Jay Says:

There should be “animals cops” for situations like this. Animal cops that are also trained in the dark arts so that they can extract your foot from the side of someone’s head.

Seriously, if I couldn’t get ahold of someone, I would either call the cops or I would absolutely break the window. My dog doesn’t get left in my car unless it’s to go pay for gas or something (or it’s cool enough that she’ll be ok). And even then all the windows are down and she usually has a cup of ice water in the front.

I don’t even understand why someone would CONSIDER that in 100 degree weather. Fuck that douche.

LiLu Says:


Chick Says:

Good for you! All pups thank you.

f.B Says:

soulless bastard. how does someone even think that’s ok? some people just don’t deserve the oxygen we share with them.

Kim Says:

I agree with all of you- the thing that always pisses me off the most is that they’re “shocked” that I am causing a huge scene and embarrassing them.

that’s the worst thing ever! i’ve seen some things and, yeah. not a good way to die. thank you for doing your part.

I’m with dutchess, in ny we call the fckin cops!

Umm, I may be going out on a limb here, but maybe the “asshat” was prepping for a slow-cooked dog dish. I hear that’s really big these days. In VIETNAM.

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