to desire the replica

posted on: November 16th, 2009

Dear Asshole,

It isn’t the 60’s or 70′ or even the early part of the 80’s so the “I didn’t know!” bullshit doesn’t fly. You do know better. I don’t care what your fucking reason is. All that I know for sure are these two things;

#1- Every time that I see you outside of your office building across from mine I feel physically ill.

#2- This makes you a selfish fucking twat.



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Brian Smart Says:

…and after she had the baby she’ll drive around in her minivan with the kid in the back, windows rolled up, still puffing away.

I see this all the time up here along with FASD and it’s pretty fucking sad.

Kim Says:

Yeah- it kills me. I can see having a few after you find out you’re knocked up- maybe sneaking one or two in the first week or so while you adjust but this woman is clearly in the home stretch of her pregnancy.

justjp Says:

Maybe she isn’t pregnant???

Kim Says:

Maybe she’s just bloated. You know, in the womb area.

Brian Smart Says:

That’s good point really cuz except for the boobs that could be me standing outside after Thanksgiving dinner having a schmeg.

Karen Moore Says:

My daughter has had 3 miscarriages and disparately wants a child and when I see someone as fucking stupid as this one I want to round house kick her. She doesn’t deserve to have this baby.

You find the best, most deserving assholes. The title is bestowed completely appropriately. That makes me so mad.

Jeannie Says:

Well gee - she smoked all through her last pregnancy and that kid’s ok. He was really small which made him easier to deliver though and she didn’t gain a lot of weight. He gets a lot of ear infections and asthma and bronchitis but so what? That’s normal right?

Kim Says:

It’s all about bouncing back into those skinny jeans- besides, they have medications for all of that shit right?

ugh! i can’t STAND that! and you know if you punched her in the face she would be all, “I’M PREGNANT!” with shock and disbelief.

Dave Says:

Did you take that very picture?
You are awesome, I can’t think of anything funny to say.
Brian, you stole my line totally.
I was feeling pretty bad for her if she’s not pregnant. It’s painful to wake up one day and look at yourself and think, oh shit, I’m pregnant. And then realize you’re a middle aged guy.
It would hurt even more to have Kim posting pictures of me having a smoke on the net.

Kim Says:

“It’s painful to wake up one day and look at yourself and think, oh shit, I’m pregnant. And then realize you’re a middle aged guy.”
hahahahahaha! Man I adore you guys! (Totally waiting for pics now!!!!)No- I didn’t take the pic- I swiped it online- she’s wearing a big bulky jacket these days so it would have lost all shock factor. Maybe the big jacket is so people like ME will stop throwing dagger looks at her & shaking their heads in horror from across the street????????
Becky- I know! right??? She would have totally pulled the pregnancy defense!

You’re right, everybody knows. What people might not know about, is that third hand smoke is even worse for you than second or first hand. That’s the smoke that sticks to your clothes, the fabric of your car, etc. So even the people who smoke in their cars while the kids aren’t in there are still doing some harm. How scary is that?

Hannah Says:

There are FAR too many people out there who shouldn’t be allowed to have children!

Fundamental rights don’t apply if you plan on poisoning your fetus with cigarettes/drugs/alcohol.

suz Says:

Brian!!! Too funny!!!
I always think of the old anti-smoking commercial where they show the fetus while the mother takes a puff…the wee thing is all gaspy and shakey…and looks like it’s seizing….
I could never. The minute I found out I was pregnant I quit smoking. Didn’t even have 1 more….quit in the bathroom when the test read positive. My baby has rights to. He didn’t choose to be a smoker. I cannot make that choice for him. I will have the occasional ciggy now from time to time. But never near my boy.

Dusty Says:

Who am I to bitch her out as I smoke cig’s too.

But I am past my child bearing years.

brad Says:

Adoption. Unfortunately, it’s the best chance we’ve got against bad parenting.

That is so hard to look at.

Kim Says:

You and me both Dusty but we’re not walking around with human being inside of our bodies!

Brian Smart Says:

I just smoke cigarillos…and only to keep the bugs off:

wife: Brian…it’s November and there is snow on the ground in the Yukon!
me: You see any fucking bugs out there?
wife: No.
me: Stogies are working then aren’t they?

i was friends with a woman who everyone in the city loves who smoked cigarettes and drank through her entire pregnancy she has many ways she hid it, it made me ill but as if i could stop her. kid seems fine but she sucks.

a name Says:

1. that woman is terrible!!!
2. your “dear asshole” feature is probably the best use of the internet, ever.

Kim Says:

It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in my need to have a “Dear Asshole” outlet!

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