to desire the replica

posted on: March 3rd, 2010

A small departure from my regular dear asshole posts- this one isn’t actually directed at anyone in particular. Shocking, I know.

Dear Asshole,

Today is one of those days when I just hate. I hate you, and you, and you over there. You’re ok, but you, yes you, are a fucking idiot. But you, you I adore, your friend though, total asshole.

So today there are many assholes. In fact, there seem to be assholes everywhere and hence today being a day of HATE. I hate that our government is reviewing the lyrics to Oh Canada rather that getting some actual fucking work done, I hate that the olympics have us in BC so far in the hole that we can’t see the light, I hate that I have to listen to whiny fucking people on a constant basis and yet I’m not allowed to punch them. I also hate the way my deodorant smells today. I hate people who don’t pick up their dog shit and people who throw wrappers on the ground because they’re so fucking lazy. I hate that people are getting away with murder.

Today there are far too many assholes to count. And to you all, I’m looking desperately for a fucking well to throw you down.

Sincerely,

Kim

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Dave Says:

I had a day like that yesterday. I lost my keys. Went down to the University housing office to ask about getting a new housekey and mail key. $105. hmmmm.
I said that’s insane and the lady at the desk just went cold. She says “I don’t make the rules. Do you want to pay for that now?” ha.
So I said, is there a process to make a complaint. Instead of directing me, she argued. I’m like, I understand you don’t make the rules. But you don’t have to block me from trying to change an insane system. She says “there are students who lose their keys every week.” I said, this policy is just punishment, it has nothing to do with actual cost of replacement. What a joke.
Then I went to Dodge. That Key was $140. Better tell Matt. The new ones are $255.
I just about blew a gasket.
$250 for 3 keys.
Sorry for taking up your whole comments section. I’m having a better day today.
I found my keys.
Who decides a house key should cost $70 to replace? That’s institutional violence.

Dave Says:

Muah. First comment.

Jeannie Says:

On the I hate people days, I just tell people I’m pretty cranky and hate people.

They tend to laugh.

Phaedra Says:

awesome sauce!

Julie Says:

I have a friend whose nickname for me is Julie Hatepeople. That’s how much I hate people. Every day.

Kim Says:

I don’t mind a good “hate day” now & then- it keeps me sharp!
ps- Dave- one of my staff are going through that right now with apartment AND vehicle keys- when she found out the cost I swear to Dog a small vein in her head exploded!

Brian Smart Says:

My Mum had this saying “it’s enough to make you eat your young” which is the typical Irish brutal way of getting the point across that your tolerance for bullshit has just about reached it’s limit.

Dave: reminds me of when I first moved to the Yukon and tried to get our cell numbers changed. The guy from Bell told me there was no office in Whitehorse (turns out there was) and asked if I could drive to Fort Nelson BC to have it done. “You’re kidding me right? You know it’s about a 16 hour drive one way and to he honest it would be considerably cheaper for me to take a fucking hammer to both our phones and buy new ones than to do that” Did you take geography in highschool?” “You did?! I’m guessing you fucking failed then…”

Anyway, Mondays are typically my “Don’t talk to me or I’ll pull your heart out through your ass” day.

*runs*

kim Says:

LA- I gotta tell you- the right word- the exact right time & I laughed my ass off all alone in my office. You have single handedly helped confirm to my staff that I am crazy. Thank you.

I was wondering how long it was going to take you to realize that I am, in fact, an asshole.

Sorry you’re having a bad day.

a name Says:

last year i had a roommate that instilled this hate in me every. single. day.

tomorrow i celebrate the one year anniversary of moving into a new apartment - and subsidizing that c***-bag bitchwhore’s rent for two months while the lease ran out. Totally worth the $1600 that i should have spent on replacing my dying laptop.

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