to desire the replica

posted on: September 23rd, 2009

Wait, I should clarify. I love Fall, the season. The one with the capital “F” as opposed to fall with the lower case “f”. The lower case one usually involves a flight of stairs and 10 or 11beers. Or that ridiculous post holding up the bed frame that seems to enjoy a litany of my most imaginative, Sunday best profanity which it is treated to each and every time it reaches out and fucking trips me.

So, the reason that I love Fall with a capitol F? Mmmmmm. let me count the ways (But without the actual counting.) I love sweaters and scarves and old man cardigans (which I have an astonishing number of. Perhaps not exactly as shown here, but all rather hideous nonetheless.) I love the sun on my face, but without the summertime super hero ability to melt your skin off like so many rivers of quivering flesh coloured candle wax. The crisp mornings, warm days and cool nights, and soft blankets that go over your knees when you sit on the couch. I love that the fat people have finally put away the low rise jeans paired with the too short tank tops and that my chances of seeing a 75 year old man in a speedo at the river are next to nil.

I also love the smell. Once the leaves start being heartlessly shucked from their branches, the air takes on that damp, earthy scent that makes me smile. Fall makes me want to cook simple meals with rich ingredients like thick sausage or a giant fist full of late season herbs. Fall is pumpkin and acorn squash and turnips. Gravy, fresh bread and deep bowls of soup.

That is why I love fall.

The End.

Uhm, ok. You’re still here? That was kinda it, hence the whole “The End” thing. Well, alright then. You asked for it……

Just so you don’t all start to (falsely) think that I’m all full of sunshine and roses and glittery pink unicorns jumping over rainbows, I will leave you with this thought……

I just went into the bathroom in my office and I swear to Dog that someone shit their pants in there. There are only 5 staff here today and now I’m eyeing them all suspiciously. Seriously people, light a fucking match or barricade the door or burn the place down. SOMETHING!!!! ANYTHING!!!!

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Brian Smart Says:

You might be the only other person on earth who think cardigans are cool. I have one or two. They were once my grandfather’s and they are kind of like my “uniform” for wearing while in the rocking chair, drinking whiskey and complaining endlessly about whatever is pissing me off at that particular moment. I love fall too; I just did a two-day jet boat patrol from Quiet Lake (just north of BC border) up to Carmacks which is about 350km through some beautiful Yukon country which was in full fall colour. Fall means no bugs too!

Brian Smart Says:

Oh and I appreciate the post script thing. I have this guy down the hall who always wears his wool socks around the office. No shoes or boots. He might be one of the only folks hear that I don’t know by name but since he also goes into the mens room that way he will be forever known, to me anyway, as “Mr. Piss socks”

Kim Says:

ok- LOVE the boat trip but am permanently scarred by the visual of Mr. Piss Socks. BLECH!

Jeannie Says:

I love cardigans - cool or not - they are perfect in every way.

I love fall too but in a bittersweet way - I still get all angsty and don’t know why - I have butterflies even now. I love the trees changing colour - the warmth of the sun and the cool of the shadow - and the smell. I bought a pumpkin candle today. I never buy such things but I did.

suz Says:

Drunk falling…Mr. Rogers…dreadful man sweaters…smelly bathrooms….bugga! How can you pay any attention to Fall with a capital F???
I still want to know who the stinky pooper is…I’m sure they will love that you’ve told the whole world! Well….22 people anyways.

Taylor Says:

I’m SO excited for fall!! I love hearing the leaves crunch under my feet, feeling that crisp cool air on my face, wearing scarves, octoberfests, halloween…

Ooh, I’m just really excited :)

Jay Says:

I love all things related to squash, going to pumpkin patches with my kids, and girls turning the most wholesome of things into slutty costumes. Slutty Care Bear/nun? Yes please!

Kim Says:

I’m not a big halloween freak but I soooooo want to be a slutty carebear/nun!!!!!!

Karen Moore Says:

I can honestly say that this time it wasn’t me.

Kami Says:

I’m less interested in the smelly bathroom than in my own inability to make meaning of words. In English. While sober. To me, “Holy Crap Do I Love Fall” read like a poetically licensed version of Holy Crap Do I Fall in Love and I began reading this post with huge question marks around Steve’s name. In my head. I will never question your love again. And I’m sorry for whatever pain my reading incomprehension may have caused you. I’m going to bed now. (it’s 9pm.)

Ree Says:

Well, thank gawd you added that last bit because I thought you’d gone all soft and sentimental on us.

shine Says:

I love knee socks and tights and sweaters and boots and scarves and watching everything slowly die…wait, what? You know what I mean. The trees and shit.

And that bathroom situation? Welcome to EVERYDAY at my office.

Jay? You just made my Halloween costume world. Slutty carebear/nun it is!

Dusty Says:

You mean I am not the only geek in the world that loves cardigans?

As for the haunting smell of the loo..get a room freshener in there!

aww, now i’m all wistful about the fall… sadly i get no fall here. effin texas.

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