Wait, I should clarify. I love Fall, the season. The one with the capital “F” as opposed to fall with the lower case “f”. The lower case one usually involves a flight of stairs and 10 or 11beers. Or that ridiculous post holding up the bed frame that seems to enjoy a litany of my most imaginative, Sunday best profanity which it is treated to each and every time it reaches out and fucking trips me.
So, the reason that I love Fall with a capitol F? Mmmmmm. let me count the ways (But without the actual counting.) I love sweaters and scarves and old man cardigans (which I have an astonishing number of. Perhaps not exactly as shown here, but all rather hideous nonetheless.) I love the sun on my face, but without the summertime super hero ability to melt your skin off like so many rivers of quivering flesh coloured candle wax. The crisp mornings, warm days and cool nights, and soft blankets that go over your knees when you sit on the couch. I love that the fat people have finally put away the low rise jeans paired with the too short tank tops and that my chances of seeing a 75 year old man in a speedo at the river are next to nil.
I also love the smell. Once the leaves start being heartlessly shucked from their branches, the air takes on that damp, earthy scent that makes me smile. Fall makes me want to cook simple meals with rich ingredients like thick sausage or a giant fist full of late season herbs. Fall is pumpkin and acorn squash and turnips. Gravy, fresh bread and deep bowls of soup.
That is why I love fall.
The End.
Uhm, ok. You’re still here? That was kinda it, hence the whole “The End” thing. Well, alright then. You asked for it……
Just so you don’t all start to (falsely) think that I’m all full of sunshine and roses and glittery pink unicorns jumping over rainbows, I will leave you with this thought……
I just went into the bathroom in my office and I swear to Dog that someone shit their pants in there. There are only 5 staff here today and now I’m eyeing them all suspiciously. Seriously people, light a fucking match or barricade the door or burn the place down. SOMETHING!!!! ANYTHING!!!!
