to desire the replica

posted on: October 18th, 2009

My Dearest Lilith,

No Suz, you will not die in surgery tomorrow. I have called in every karmic favor that I possess to ensure your safety. That, and I can’t ever be without you. It just isn’t realistic, nor possible. I have assured the “powers that be” that they will face a wrath like none ever faced before should any ill befall you. While telling them this there were many threatening gestures and much flailing about so they are very well aware that I am serious. I am not to be messed with when it comes to people that I love.

However, I must say that, though I would drop everything in a second flat to be there for Gray should anything ever happen to you, I WILL NOT FUCKING MARRY YOUR HUSBAND SO STOP FUCKING ASKING ME! (In this instance I speak not only for myself, but for Steve & Stan as well.)

So. We’re at a crossroads I guess….. How about you just come through with flying colours and not make me live in your basement and spend everyday teaching your son odd but extremely hilarious phrases? Deal? I can feel Steve & Stan both nodding in agreement.

I love you Susin. You will be fine. You have to be and you will be fine. I know this to be true.




Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • Google
  • StumbleUpon

Dave Says:

I hope my wife doesn’t hit up my sister in law to do this if she has day surgery.
Naw she’s married, I’m safe.

suz Says:

Seriously? My one last dying wish and you won’t even grant it? And you call yourself my best friend??? If I survive this procedure…I am definitely re examining this friendship!
I love you sweet heart. You will marry my husband…and he will marry you…and Steve will still live in the basement.
And you will both do it because you love me!

Desert Rat Says:

I wish Suz the best in her Surgery! I understand you both as I honestly wouldn’t know how to survive without bondon and sometimes when I’d think about it I’d cry ;-)…She ALSO tells me I have to be with her husband for the rest of my life should she go before me. ;-)

kim Says:

Steve, Stan and I are pleased to announce that no strange arranged marriages are required as Suz is now home and resting “comfortably” with the aid of medication!

suz Says:

Hurts like a fucking bitch today!!!!

Desert Rat…Exactly! I guess because some of our group of friends have recently had their parents die…death has become more of a reality.
Kim and I talked about this a few weeks ago. One of us has to go first. I don’t think I could bare it. I want to go first. Not any time soon…but definitely first!
~Hopefully we’ll live well into our 80’s.
We used to laugh about living in a seniors home together. I can so see Kim ACTING all senile just to scare the elderly people who’d annoy her. She’ll probably physically attack them…with a glint in her eye. Doctors would think she had dementia….but secretly she’d be fine.
I would be right beside her…(people would very likely think we were lesbians. Life partners (except that we don’t live together well). I would dare her to do something more crazy each day. We would start food fights and would probably take up shop lifting again. Just imagine the possibilities!

Either way…my husband, my son and my best friend are the three most precious things in my life. I just want to know that they are all taking care of eachother. Then I won’t have to worry about any of them being alone or feeling lonely. That would kill me.

P.S. Kim, you know I’ll get my way. If I go first and Grayson is under 18…you have to marry Stan. PERIOD. DO IT!

Karen Moore Says:

Very happy to here that Suz is home and on the road to recovery. Was a little worried after reading the post though, actually brought a tear to my eye. Got all emotional and sappy and thought Christ, I’ll marry the guy!!

kim Says:

Susin- You’re totally going to get me kicked out of the retirement home, aren’t you?

suz Says:

Karen will you also live with Kim and Grayson?
I never thought about getting a fourth. My husband is lovely. Very handsome, clean, hard working, passionate, romantic, he has thee very nicest butt I’ve ever seen. I haven’t met you yet, so I’m not sure wether or not I’d be cool with the two of you having sex…but I’m will to consider it.

Karen Moore Says:

I could keep it platonic if you like…or Kim and I could rotate the Mon/Wed/Fri thing. Whatever would make you rest comfortably.

suz Says:

Karen I love you!!!!

kim Says:

You guys are FUCKING INSANE!
ps- Suz- since neither of us can stand the thought of the other going first, we’re just going to have “Thelma & Louise” it. We’ll steal my mom’s car again- it’ll be great.

suz Says:

Yes Kim! You won’t be in the home long. I have a master plan.

-get Kim kicked out of seniors home
-Kim becomes a street person in East Van.
-Kim meets Matt Good who is also living homeless in East Van.
-Kim gets a nasty case of food poisoning, from eating out of big green dumpsters.
-Kim’s last wish before she dies is that I marry Matt Good so that he and I won’t be alone.
I live very happily ever after!
It’s sheer perfection!

kim Says:

Excuse me? The original master plan had ME marrying Matt and you getting free cds and good concert seat! What the hell happened to THAT???

suz Says:

Get your own dream. THIS ONE IS MINE!!!!
Karen you may want Stan more than that.
I would like to see you to fight over him. That would be swell!

kim Says:

Your plan my ass!!!! MY plan was to marry Matt Good- YOUR plan had me being a cabbie in New York!
I’m taking the rest of my afternoon to reevaluate our friendship.

suz Says:

Plans change sweety! At least you’ll get a fleeting moment with matt before I stick poisoned food in your favorite dumpster!
I honestly thought you’d love my plan.

Brian Smart Says:

Therein lies one of the major differences between men and women: women friends go with “Thelma and Louise” whereas the boys generally take a “Butch and Sundance” approach to going out in a blaze of glory.

Dusty Says:

You two bitch’s are crazy.

But that is what makes you so damn funny and interesting as hell. ;)

Kim Says:

Yes Dusty- I fear that she & I will end up in the sanitarium together, painting therapeutic water colours.

suz Says:

um…noooo…remember? You dumpster…me-Matt Good?

Silly girl. have you become senile already?

Desert Rat Says:

I’m glad to hear Suz is VERY well! Well enough to give her loved ones a hard time.:-).

When I was pregnant bondon went to lamaz with me, we would still extra juices and run off. One night we were waiting for the elevator and she made the fire alarm for the whole building go off…I was 9 months pregnant 210 pounds and running down a hall to get out of there while laughing…it was not pretty and I was lucky not to wet my pants :-).

You two would be nothing but trouble in a seniors home together!

Kim Says:

hahahaha! So would you & bondon!!! Think we should warn them?

Leave a Reply