to desire the replica

posted on: March 16th, 2010

I have given up, waved the white flag, thrown in the towel and whatever other catchy phrase you can think of. When it comes to quitting smoking, I have no fucking willpower. No, I have LESS than no will power. I’m at about a negative 5, so I’ve conceded to taking the crazy pills to help me walk away from my great love dirty vice.

One of the side effects are techno-colour “I just dropped acid” Michael row your boat ashore kind of dreams and I’ve decided to chronicle them for you.

So…. last nights adventure went something like this;

I live in a milkshake cup- you know the type- the paper cups with the waxy coating. It’s decorated with stripes like a barber pole but in light pink & yellow (never have I witnessed such a horrific colour combination.) I am not sure if I am very tiny or the cup is very large, either way, I have a bed, a desk, pictures on the walls and even a throw rug. Running through the center of my milkshake cup/house is an enormous transparent straw, which is my front door. I have to shimmy up the fucking thing every time I leave the cup. For whatever reason, I have to do so covertly to ensure that no one discovers me. Each time that I am scratching and clawing my way up the straw I am overwhelmed with a sense of panic as I fear some hapless human sucking me up.


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Um. Yikes? You could just be crazy though, you ever consider that?

My boyfriend quit smoking last year. Just decided one day that was that and did it. The only thing he used were those inhaler things that give you a hit of nicotine. He used those for the first month or so which worked a treat but made him look like he was smoking a tampon. Hasn’t smoked since. Yay. Good luck with your quitting. May you move out of the cup soon.

Kim Says:

I’m not sure which I’d rather-live in a cup or smoke a tampon…….

Jeannie Says:

That’s awesome. I should tell my doc I want to quit smoking. I don’t smoke.

Kim Says:

It definitely makes things more interesting!!!

Brian Smart Says:

It’s obvious to me (I took a couple Psych courses): The straw represents a penis, the cup represents a vagina, and the sliding up and down the pole is a repressed urge to work at a strip joint that you have kept hidden in your sub-conscience for many years.

That’ll be $300 lady. I will send information for easy payment to you directly.

Batcavebilly Says:

Awesome Brian!!! You’re a genius!!! I was thinking the same myself.

suz Says:

haha! Brian!!! hilarious!

shine Says:

Eesh. I’ve heard not so great stuff about Chantix. Maybe smoking is safer than your dreams?

kim Says:

Shine- me too but I figure it can’t be worse than smoking a pack & 1/2 for 25 years.
Brian- My check is in the mail Dr. Smartypants!

jake Says:

i suck i didn’t get and side effects from it… and i never dream cause most nights i pass out drunk

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