to desire the replica

posted on: March 23rd, 2010

The dreams are an interesting side effect of the quit smoking drugs- it’s as though the crazies attack me at night. As soon as I fall asleep, some whacked out guy on mushrooms or acid turns on the projector in my head and the crazy splashes up on the screen. Rather than the epic saga like dreams that I am accustomed to- a start, a middle and a defined end- the crazy dreams jump all over the map. They overlap, they come in snippets, and they’re in bright vivid colours.

I haven’t seen the Johnny Depp Alice in Wonderland yet but considering the previews, I imagine that the drug induced world in my sleeping brain looks something like that set. The last few nights have included these twisted little flashes…….

1- It was evening and I looked up into the sky and thought “There are far too many planes up there.” You could see the vapor trail or whatever the hell it is behind them and there were literally dozens of planes within my site. As I was looking up one seemed to pass awfully close to another and I continued to watch as the plane got bigger and bigger as it fell to earth. It crashed into a bright orange fireball a block from where I was standing.

2- I am moving into a new place and am checking out all of the bizarre little rooms and liking it but there is a lot of weird furniture that has been left behind including a blue coat rack made out of a tree branch and a hockey stick and a very furry pink couch.

3- I am in the mountains living off the land because there has been some sort of apocalypse. I live in a cave which appears to be quite comfortable except for the fact that there is a raging river right outside the entrance and I have to hopscotch across some bright green and very slippery stones every time I go out to forage.

4- My brother punched me in the face and I called the cops and he went to jail. (Incidentally, both of those things have happened in real life several times but as completely separate events.) After they took him to jail there was a big party in this weird basement and I was mad because the DJ kept playing music that I hated. I eventually kicked everyone out and went upstairs to light the house on fire.

Here’s another weird thing about the champix dreams- I can’t always remember them passed 5 minutes after waking but maybe that’s a good thing?

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Brian Smart Says:

OK. Even though I have not yet recieved payment for your last assessment I will do this one. I your payment has been processed please disregard this message and thank-you for your attention to this matter.

One of two things is happening. It appears to me that the drugs are causing an increased and unusual amount of activity when you hit your R.E.M. sleep (is Michael Stipe in any of thesee? that would prove my point) and you are trying to process and make sense of a myriad of activity jumping off post-synaptic clefts by way of the visual cortex of your brain.

Other option is that you’re just fucked in the head.

Since it appears this will be an ongoing issue I will send you a “frequent flyer” application for these services (discounts available but not group discounts for those with multiple personalities).

Kim Says:

I’m voting for option b.
ps- I didn’t want to mention the one with Michael Stipe- I thought it would make me appear too strange ;)

I’ve been having some vivid dreams recently too, but never can remember them after I’m up and about.

Brian Smart Says:

Native: I think that’s pretty usual and why I have heard time and time again that people either have a pad of paper or a small tape recorder beside their bed to recall what just happened.

An aside: ever wonder why we always assume that when the dog is dreaming that he’s chasing bunnies? Maybe the dog has issues and he’s actually dreaming of stuff like in the Big Lebowski.

Kim Says:

I’m pretty sure that when Maggi dreams it is centered around a very large all you can eat buffet.
If there were bunnies in her dreams, she’d be eating them.

Brian Smart Says:

I know when the cat dreams it’s about him killing me and he’s a 600lb Bengal Tiger. That fucker hates me.

i tried the tape recorder next to my bed but still found i was too lazy to say all the genius things my mind thinks when there is nothing i can put it onto in front of me. it always sound more eloquent in my head anyway.
the most interesting thing about dreams for me is how my reoccurring dreams matured - it used to be a lock on a highschool locker that even though i couldn’t bring the combination to my mind where i turn it always opens the door anyway but i never remember the combo, now the lock is still very apparent in dreams, but the highschool locker has disappeared.

ps. i don’t think im a genius i just know some genius ideas get lost in my subconscious. :) oh and soundS ooops.

kim Says:

I like to think we could all save the world if we could just remember what the damn plan was when we wake up!!

Dan Says:

I know I need to quit smoking soon, but my dreams are weird enough as it is…

Phaedra Says:

Wait until the purple dinosaur wearing the strap-on comes sauntering out of the wall into your bedroom.

For serious.

kim Says:

Ah crap. How big is the strap on?

Stever Says:

@phaedra. too funny.

also, I can vouch for the fact that Maggi is dreaming about food. It’s the only thing ever on her mind. When the legs are twitching she is probably chasing hamburgers, cantaloupes or apricots (she has a thing for fruits, especially those two). Definitely not rabbits.

Brian Smart Says:

Barney with a strap-on. Thanks - I really wish I was not a visually-oriented person sometimes (this is one of those times).

kim Says:

Phaedra- You’ve wrecked us all!!!!!!

i guess it’s bad that i always have weird dreams all the time and no drugs to speak of. eep.

kim Says:

random one here-
Brian- if I wanted to look up a public record- ie; criminal past how would I go about it- I remember you mentioning something about it once.

Brian Smart Says:

Kim: That depends on the circumstances. If I am looking to fill a position that requires RCMP Security Clearance then the applicant and I fill out a request form provided by the RCMP and the applicant needs to submit the request, and then bring the results to me. Even then the answer is vague; it usually says “No record exists” or “A record may exist” for this individual and at that point we have to require further information on the nature of the offence(s). Peace officers may ask for a “background check” on a suspect, usually through Dispatch/HQ and this is most often done using CPIC (Canadian Police Information Centre) so if you are about to enter a residence and the guy has 140 assault charges, 139 convictions, and a house full of restricted weapons then you tread lightly.

Brian Smart Says:

…point being about the second part above is that “civilians” cannot arbitrarily go around checking on the backgrounds of other civilians without the knowledge and authorization of ther person you’re scoping out. It’s all ATIPP stuff. However if there is somebody that is causing you concern and this is the reason for the question I would go and see the local RCMP folks or a municipal detachment in your area if you have one; they may check for you and without giving up the details let you know if you have cause for concern and if so what to do next in terms of options (res. order).

kim Says:

Thanks Bri- that does help!

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