to desire the replica

posted on: October 31st, 2009
Seeing as I sign all of my work memos as "Satan" I thought that this would be appropriate.

Seeing as I sign all of my work memos as "Satan" I thought that this would be appropriate.

It’s Halloween kiddies. That creepy magical night when it’s socially acceptable to hide yourself beneath a costume and stroll the streets begging for candy from strangers. We can’t feed the homeless children shivering in the alley around the corner but we’ll give away a mini kitkat to anyone who screams “trick or treat” at our front door. We really are an odd people, aren’t we?

When I was young, trick or treating was a mixed blessing. These were the days when my brothers were far too young to be thrown in prison which meant that they were roaming the streets like wild dogs. Wild dogs with scissors. They would corner random children that didn’t have the benefit of a parental chaperon and hold them in a friendly headlock while cutting open the bottom of their pillowcase and emptying it into their own. (Yeah, we used pillowcases. we were a greedy optimistic bunch. I would get home well before them and immediately dump the contents of my sack on my bed and do an initial good/crap sorting of my loot. The crap pile was anything homemade and wrapped in saran. Second to those would be the tightly wrapped tiny rolls of pez like candies. I think they were called “rockets”. I hated those. Everything else would be shoved in a bag and hidden in the secret room built into the top of my closet. My mom had a carpenter build it- it was just a sheet of braced plywood with a hole cut in it just big enough for me to shimmy through. I had enough space to sit with my legs crossed and read or write by candle light. it was also big enough to hide my bag of “best” candy. My brothers would return with their pilfered goods and come to my room to add my candy to theirs. I would intentionally leave a few choice pieces so as to not raise suspicion. They would have a bag full of rockets and hard candy and other crap and I would sit in my closet hide-a-way and eat miniature chocolate bars and rasinettes.

I was a sly child.

I don’t think that Halloween is quite as innocent as it was when I was young. Costumes are purchased at stores rather than created. Being that we were poor, mine were most often a hobo, a hooker, or a punk because they were cheap & easy to make.

After returning to Vancouver from wherever the hell I was that time, I crashed on a friends couch for a short while. It was in the west end which equates to Halloween mecca. We had a small party, stocked the house with booze and candy and were completely overwhelmed by the nearly endless parade of kids that screamed for free shit at our front door. We ran out well before the stream of them did and started giving away cash. When that ran out, we just grabbed random shit from the apartment. I’m pretty sure that the kid that got my well worn copy of Dostoevsky’s “Notes from the Underground” was pretty pissed.

Happy Halloween crazy people.

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I have it on good authority that your “rockets” are our “smarties”. I like ‘em but these days I only hand out chocolate treats for fear of getting the glare.

I love that you just started handing out random things!

Brian Smart Says:

When me and the kid brother were just pups Mom and Dad went on a trip somewhere and left us with my grandfather from Northern Ireland at his house in Toronto over Halloween. The kid brother was Aquaman and I was Sgt. Troy from Rat Patrol. Grandpa walked us around his neighborhood in Toronto, that he’d lived in for about 50 years so he knew everyone. The kid brother and I had our pillow cases and Grandpa went around with a glass in his hand; when people opened the door all 3 of us said “Trick or Treat” and Grandpa’s treat was usually a blast of scotch or Irish whiskey; by the time our treat bags were full the old man had a full-on wobble going.

LiLu Says:

You know, dressing your kid up as a hooker for Halloween actually seems sort of genius. Because when you wear something as a costume, like Batman or whatever, you’re basically accepting that it’s something YOU will never be, yes?

Kim Says:

LA- We ended up getting 3 fucking kids which means that I will be forced to eat all of this damn crap!
Brian- I LOVE your Grandpa. LOVE HIM!!!!!
LiLu- Well….. we all have goals! Some just pay better than others! ;)

Kami Says:

Yeah, it’s a stupid fucking cavity-inducing holiday. It’s too bad I love candy so much. And by candy, I mean anything resembling chocolate…

f.B Says:

I didn’t eat any candy this year. I feel like less of a person. All I really wanted was some Now & Laters.

Kim Says:

What’s a Now & Later?

Desert Rat Says:

no joke. I dressed as a hooker for halloween, I was just talking about it a few days ago. I grew up with hookers in the motel we lived in. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t know it was wrong for a 14 year old to know what a hooker was and think it ok to dress like one. When I remembered the other day I got embarrassed by myself because imagine how that went- as I don’t remember- “oh how cute and what are you dressed as this year”? oh the innocence of being poor!

A now & later is a colorful hard candy which is chewy once you bite into it I want to say like taffy but just little squares. The purple ones are best.

suz Says:

where can we get these “Now and Laters”???

kim Says:

Terrific! Desert- Now I have to hunt down freaking Now & Laters for bed rest Suz (though they sound like our “starbursts”)

Brian Smart Says:

Remember those little dark brown halloween candies in the black and orange wrappers that were like pine gum and titanium mixed together? You could hardly chew the fucking things and I think I pulled a filling out once with one. Good for patching boats though I guess.

kim Says:

I use to save them to throw at people. Those little buggers HURT!

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