to desire the replica

posted on: December 29th, 2008

I simply cannot stand it any longer. This farce has gone too far, and in this season of “Good will toward men” I must confess my American friends, that we Canadians have been lying to you for quite some time now. Do any of you recall Rick Mercer’s Talking to Americans? Do you specifically recall when some of you truly believed that we Canucks actually all lived in igloos? Do you also remember how we snickered at you after that aired? We rolled our eyes as though we were stupefied that you Americans would be so ridiculous and so blatantly uninformed about your neighbors. Yes, we mocked you heartily.

Well, I am here to break the silence. Should this blog never again be updated, they have taken me out for daring to speak the truth. And you guys thought we were all so sweet and polite and doormat-ish.

It has always been true. We just happen to be terrific liars. I know, you are all confused…… “What about those Canadian home reno shows like Mike Holmes?” you ask. Well, truth be told, they’re all taped in Newark.

I am tired of pretending that we don’t in fact live in igloos. Maggi is actually a beaver and of course I play hockey. And yes, I know your friend Tom.

My dear deceived American friends, should you have any questions about this grand ruse, please feel free to meet me at Tim Horton’s and I will clarify everything for you. If you get lost, ask anyone, we have built in homing devices that lead directly to the closest Timmy’s.

We’re very, very, sorry for lying to you all for so long . As a peace offering, we are sending you Celine Dion.

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redstar Says:

I have to tell you, Kim. The insurance adjuster came by today, and according to him, the current warming trend is an ‘act of god’ and your claim for the roof sagging will not be covered. He did reccomend a reputable ice column engineer to support your saggy structure. Don’t stand up too fast.
Have a great night.
B

Kim Says:

WTF? Why do I even BOTHER with igloo insurance then? Dammit!

Richie Rich Says:

Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! You told them! KIM…. WHY……..???????

Seriously though, I’m crying with LOLz right now! The Celine Dion comment was icing on that very tasty cake.

Happy New Year to you too!
xoxoxo

Richie Rich Says:

stan Says:

yay!!!! The igloo is up! Will you be sleeping in it tonight?
I love you baby! happy New Year!

Fuck the Americans.

Kim Says:

I did sleep in it! Steve thought I was on crack, but still came out a couple of times to make sure I was still breathing. ;)

suz Says:

Stanny will be so jealous! He’s going ice fishing tomorrow and said he wanted to do a winter camp. I told him he could go sleep in your back yard. He should be there by 8am tomorrow. Just so you don’t get too excited when you see some hot guy’s legs poking out of your igloo…it’s only Stan.

xx

[...] you may remember, Steve & I built an igloo a while back and of course, I had to sleep in it one night because I’m that kind of stupid. [...]

I knew you guys KNEW my friend Tom! I KNEW you guys lived in Igloo’s with your pet beavers. I knew anyone who claimed the simple letter Z is zed could not be trusted. BUT you know what I forgive you and therefore you may have Celine back! No, no really take her.

Bon Don Says:

I want one!!! I really really want one!!!

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