to desire the replica

posted on: July 20th, 2009

Let me start off by saying that I do not bake. It just isn’t my thing. I’m a wicked cook, but my baking skills are right up there with a basket of half drown kittens. It’s just too exact for me. If the recipe calls for 1/4tsp of something- they mean it. I want to make food, not feel like I’m back in high school science. I’m more of a “throw shit in” kinda girl. This weekend however, we raided the ICBC apricot tree next door and somehow, Martha Steward crawled outta my ass and took over my kitchen.

Ps- Martha- I still hate you. I also now hate apricots.

Lola Gold has a boyfriend. We’ve named him Jason Redhot.

Maggi & Lucy seem to be getting on well (with very little jealousy rearing it’s growling and snarling head.)

Lucy has discovered toys. When she came to us she didn’t know “toy” or “treat” or “water dish” or “play.” She knew “cage” “hamster water bottle” and “squeeze me out another $5000.00 worth of fucking puppies!” So, upon discovering “toys” (and Maggi shares well) she lost her mind a little. She was throwing a soft ball in the air for herself and scampering all over the wood floor chasing shit. Then the terrier in her came out and she decided they were all HERS. She spent the evening covertly dragging them- one by one- to her bed. She gets a little gollum-ish when you give her something. You can almost hear her whispering. “My precious. You are mine. All mine.

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I’m a pretty good baker but kind of an average cook. :) I’m good with cakes and cookies and stuff but when it comes to cooking I need to improvise better. Maybe you and I should mix our abilities or something till we can do both?I want to be the sort of person who can whisk up a gourmet meal from anything in the cupboard.

Jeannie Says:

Ah - the poor sweet thing. I didn’t realize that was a terrier trait - that’s what our old dog did. Winston just buries everything.

I hate Martha Stewart. Fucking hate her guts.

In baking, there are rules but they are somewhat flexible. It depends on the results you want just like anything else - you can’t quite wing it but you can substitute. It just takes a little more finesse and practice. And it’s really hard to cut back on fat and sugar and maintain a good product. It helps to bake a lot to become that comfortable. I used to be.

Kim Says:

Jeannie- I love you for hating her.
Veg assassin- Just think of the shit we could come up with! (booze would have to be involved.)

I think I love Lucy. I also KNOW I love you for taking a puppy mill dog, with all the accompanying issues. I’m pretty sure that’s where my next one is coming from. Lucky girl.

A dog learning to play is a wondrous thing. The other that always makes me cry like a girl is when they realize that there will ALWAYS be enough food and stop scarfing it down in 20 seconds.


Kim Says:

Good for you! Do it. Once they know they’re “home” they’re like a little velcro ball of love attached to you.

Kim Says:

Slack- I know exactly what you mean. Like she was shocked that it was hers- it wasn’t a trick and she got to eat it all. Everyday.

LiLu Says:

This is exactly why I LOVE cooking, HATE baking. I don’t do anything “precisely” or “to an exact amount” or “use timers.” I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal, and that’s extended to food.

Plus, the wine I drink while cooking makes me a little forgetty.

Taylor Says:

A little LOTR puppy? That’s pretty darn cute :)

I like baking, but I suck. Oh well.

Kim Says:

I have the “forgetty” problem as well….so all of my cooking times need to be “ish”

Kim Says:

Taylor- What’s LOTR?

Megan Says:

Again, thanks so much for rescuing a perfect baby. I hate animal abusers. I hate them like I’d be fine with killing them, and I hate killing too. A bunch of sons of bitches. I look at my teeny little Sophie-baby and wonder how the hell someone could be anything but adoring to such a creature.

Kim Says:

I know- It baffles me- i just don’t get it. (and am pissed that I’m not allowed to do the same to them. Lucy is doing brilliantly- fitting in well and relaxing. She follows Maggi around like a little shadow!

f.B Says:

My baking skills are about as good as my sewing skills: embarrassing.

my favorite thing in the world is pretty much when matilda starts throwing toys in the air and pouncing and growling. hilarious! one time she did that with a blueberry.

it makes me smile that lucy is getting better and better. yayee! so cute!

Brian Smart Says:

I love dogs but sometimes they make it hard; my son just called from home and our golden Riley (the canine garbage disposal) just got into the food we were organizng for a fly in trip on Saturday and ate 6 bananas, an entire bag of cherries (with the pits), and a bag of Doritos. I think he’s half jackass actually.

Kim Says:

Maggi eats about 15lbs of cherries per summer from the tree in the back- she shits out about 20lbs of pits. The math just seems wrong on that.

i am so happy for lucy! animal rescues for the win.

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