to desire the replica

posted on: November 22nd, 2009

I spent most of the day on the couch nursing a wee bit of a wine hangover.

There was napping involved.

Then I did something rather remarkable. I spent hours painting round wooden beads to make a pretty garland for our Christmas tree because I hate that glittery tinsel-like shit. I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns. So yeah, I sat at home and made wooden garland.

I think that someone slipped me something. Seriously.

Fuck I hate Martha Steward.

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Wooden beads? Aren’t you supposed to string cranberries? You goyim are so confusing.

Jeannie Says:

You know, I think the dollar store sells strings of red wooden beads.

The wine hangover I understand.

Fuck I hate Martha Stewart too.

Kim Says:

LA- cranberries on a string would be just like those candy elastic necklaces for my dogs. Then they would have cranberry shits all over the manger.
Jeannie- if they do so help me dog I’ll hang myself with mine!!!!!

I like those. I’ve never actually thought about doing that, but I dig it. Not so SHINYOMGITSCHRISTMASINYOURFACE. Just pretty and classic.

Kim Says:

See how classy I can be!!!!!

Hannah Says:

What’s really scary is that I’ve started buying old issues of Martha’s magazine. She’s a WASPY, pushy criminal, but damn if that woman doesn’t have some great decoration and food ideas! LOL

Brian Smart Says:

Nice beads. I’m with you on the tinsel glittery shit at Christmas. The guy arcross the street from me has those huge inflatable snowmen that also glow in the dark. Wonder how far that thing would fly if I dinged it with the BB gun? PPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT.

Batcavebilly Says:

You’ll be having more wine and making table candles next!

justjp Says:

HA! You got Martha’d. You must have had one hell of a hangover to produce this. Looks great though

Ree Says:

Seriously, if it had been Martha, she’d have painted some green and made them alternate on the string.


Dusty Says:

It was hard to get past your wonderful title for this post. Oh, how I love it when you talk dirty. Is that the hangover talking dear? ;)

Kim Says:

Now that the Martha has rubbed off (or scoured off with a brillo pad, whatever) I do have to admit that the garlands look pretty freaking amazing.

Karen Moore Says:

Do you do custom orders?

Brian Smart Says:

Kim: Sounds like your secret hidden desire is to own one of those shops that sells all that Christmas and home decorating stuff like candles and fancy birdfeeders, soap that costs $6 a bar and those aroma therapy bath fucking things. I think you get soothing nature sounds/classical music CD’s there to or Richard Clayderman piano music guaranteed to make you climb the nearest structure with an AK47.

kim Says:

Brian if I EVER right a post with that intention you have full permission to come out here and beat the ever living shit out of me. Deal?

Brian Smart Says:

Can’t: If I ever hit a girl Grandad would come back from the grave and lay a beating on me. He was tough and new “Irish Kung fu” which means he could hold a pint of Guiness in one hand and pound the shit out of you with the other. Kind of an Irish Bruce Lee if you will.

I’ll just send a threatening email instead.

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